Each “Witstagram Wednesday,” we swim through Instagram’s pool of pictures to pick an amusing photo by a user who gets our wit. We then share it on our blog for all to see. If you think your photo or photo caption radiates hilarity, use hashtag #Witstagam! And remember to “Follow” us on Instagram.

Our first-ever #Witstagram is by @jadeogilby. Apple would agree that this eye pad would be better at nursing a face injury.

We’ve been planning the Knock Knock tenth-anniversary party since approximately forever ago (really, six months at the very least). While we can’t possibly share all the nitty-gritty deets that went into prepping for the party and “Fun/Functional” showcase, you can check out party pics here and see how the hard work paid off. And if you see yourself in a pic, tag yourself, please!

As Jen explained, we didn’t hire a party planner, but we did have the Knock Knock “Ten-Year Team” (“TYT” for short—pronounce it out loud) to setup and ensure everything went smoothly.

Step in TYT’s pre-party shoes for a few moments:

Several days before the party, Chelsea, our manufacturing coordinator, Sara, our e-commerce manager, and Melanie, our marketing and digital coordinator, spent an afternoon in our conference room making thirty paper boutonnières for the team. They made it out of our Why I Must Get Drunk With You Pad, because of its orange color and because it was oh-so appropriate.

Left: Paper flower made out of our Why I Must Get Drunk with You Pad. Right: our production artist, Will, sporting the finished version.

The TYT team and the American Design Club crew started setup at SPACE on Abbot Kinney at 9 a.m. sharp:

Bare brick walls and furniture in plastic wrap. Let's do this!

We used strong, removable double-sided tape to hang up our product signage. They were quite the bitch to peel, but it worked out. From left to right: Jen, head honcho; Sara, e-commerce manager; Mel, marketing and digital coordinator.

Trish suffered from a "taped" leg. (We actually ran out of places to keep tape while we hung signage, so our legs were the only answer.)

At one point Will threw his hands at the heavens because he couldn't take the pressure of hanging a giant January card. Theatrics.

Our publisher, Craig, found the stash of orange bowties for the bartenders and security guards. Craig, orange looks good on you!

Meanwhile, AmDC took care of their showcase room:

Kiel and Annie make sure those Urban Shoe Pots hung from the ceiling just right.

The team displayed around thirty products. Products galore.

It's lookin' good, guys!

We had to somehow manuever the giant plywood piece (that the products sat on) to the second floor, where the party was. Since we couldn’t fit it through the doors or elevator, a number of strong arms actually hoisted it up and over the second-floor railing. We aren’t kidding. Thank you, leverage!

People on Abbot Kinney stopped and stared at our conundrum.

Before we knew it, it was 5 p.m. and though we may or may not have been sticking the last of the product signage on the brick walls, it was nearing game-time. Check our finished SPACE out:

Ready to party. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Security guards at the ready, wearing dashing Knock Knock orange bowties. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Please enter the “Fun/Functional” showcase room:

"Fun/Functional" products on display. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Our head honcho Jen and the American Design Club crew. From left to right: Henry Julier; our head honcho Jen; Sam Cochran; Annie Lenon; Sarah Boatright; Kiel Mead. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

"Fun/Functional" products on display. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

"Fun/Functional" products on display. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

"Fun/Functional" products on display. That's an In-N-Out Qult on the right. We also gave out special tenth-anniversary tote to all attendees. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

"Fun/Functional" products on display. It's a very romantic thing. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Wyatt Little's Urban Shoe Pots. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

"Fun/Functional" products. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

We created special cocktails exclusively for the party. They were named after a couple of our products—The Pep Talk and The High Five. Delicious.

Jen giving her speech to a room full of friends, colleagues, and FOKKers. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Knock Knockers in the loung area. From left to right: Jim, president; Craig, publisher; Gil, director of operations and customer service, and Trish, VP of branding. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Party mingling. That's our manufacturing director, Elyse, in the middle. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

More party people. Is that our former designer Alexis (in white) that we see? (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

Our sales associate, Travis, and her boyfriend, Chris, write in the party guestbook. (Photo by Jennifer Fujikawa Photography)

A peek at a few entries from the guestbook. Front: the Knock Knock guest book; Middle: Merritt's rad Knock Knock doodle; Below: Paco?

When the party ended, Knock Knockers and friends helped with the breakdown and took the signage off the walls. And the night was still young . . .

Knock Knockers during mid-breakdown. From left to right: Sara; Dayna, our assistant editor; Melanie; Trish, and Craig.

As our birthday festivities come to a close, we want to thank each and every one of you who helped us celebrate. Here’s to another decade of putting the “fun” in functional!

The second sign welcoming people into the party. The first posed the question, "OMFG, has it been 10 years already?"

Do you, any of you, have social anxiety? That weird thing that makes you dread something that’s supposed to be a great time, even though you know intellectually you’ll probably have fun and forget about yourself once the shindig actually starts? The perverse instinct to cancel and run and hide with some ice cream and TV even though everybody thinks you’re outgoing?

That’s what I had going into the ten-year-anniversary party. Not to mention that it was a hell of a lot of work to put on. As someone who’s never planned a wedding (bridesmaid five times, though, thank you very much), I really had no idea. It’s a party. In a space. With people and food and drinks and decorations. What, Trish? What’s that you say? You think we need a party planner? Pshaw.

Trish was right. (She usually is.) It was such a big project that, as the day approached, I was not only dreading it irrationally and agoraphobically, I and the party team quite understandably couldn’t wait for the post-work relief that would set in once the heavy lifting was over.

But you know what?

IT WAS A MAGICAL NIGHT.

Social anxiety be gone. Work be worth it. People be incredible. Evening be beautiful. Triumph be palpable. Party be rock star.

Trish, Craig, me, and Jim—festive captains of the ship!

In general, gratitude—at least the self-help modality version of it—bugs the shit out of me. “Blessings,” people say. “In gratitude.” Yeah? I mock your Prius bull-hockey with my namaste hands. So imagine my surprise when I noticed myself feeling GRATEFUL. Tear-in-the-eye grateful. Non-mocking-namaste-hands grateful. Therapist-would-be-proud-of-me grateful. Pocket-full-of-sixpence grateful.

Because of this, right now, for one time and one time only, I’m going to do what I’d vowed never to do—make a gratitude list. The kind that Oprah says will make me a better person if I do it every day. But that’s not why I’m doing it—I’m doing it because I really, truly, and uncharacteristically want to count my and Knock Knock’s blessings. And I’m going to make it eleven just for the hell of it, and because ten years is actually sort of eleven years when you count them on your hands.

1. A kick-ass ten-year-anniversary party that truly felt culminative and triumphant and symbolic, filled with Knock Knockers past and present (and who knows, maybe future?), trusted and relied-upon vendors and consultants, friends of Knock Knock, friends of Knock Knockers, up-and-coming young product designers and their creations, neighbors, FOKKers (shout out to August FOKKer of the month Ariana, who came and surprised us from San Bernardino and made my night!), and even a very small smattering of (other people’s) family. A party that looked as good as it felt, that went off flawlessly, that included mixed drinks called the High Five and the Pep Talk, that offered cheeses with unpronounceable names from local shepherds served by delightful individuals in orange silk bowties. A party filled with art and music. A party at which all attendees actually looked like they wanted to be there.
2. 

   The first Knock Knock catalog, the first Knock Knock product (pre–Knock Knock), and lots of gorgeous cheese.

   An amazing Knock Knock team. Really and truly and unforgettably. A more dedicated, skilled, hard-working team you will not find—because we get shit DONE. Shout-outs here to Jim and Craig and Trish, who manage the whole enterprise with me; Mia and Miguel and Aimée in design; Patricia in product development; Shane and Will in production; Erin and Jamie and Kate and Dayna in editorial; Melanie in marketing and Sara in web; Elyse and Chelsea in manufacturing; Gil and Paul in ops and customer service; Jazzlyn and Lena and Paul in customer service; Travis and Lonnie in sales; and Odi in accounting. And all of our sales reps all around the country. And our distributors all around the world. And our PR agency and lawyers and IT consultants and accounting firms. But not Jesus. I’m sorry. I’m just not going to be thanking Jesus here.

3. Getting to make creative, fun, interesting stuff we believe in. Yes, there are the craven marketplace bestsellers like all the WTF products, all of which seem to sell no matter how little creativity we put into them, but we work at a company where we brainstorm about reasons to have sex, write books about drunken toasting, and design snow globes. Right? Right? And a creative corollary here: I’m grateful for a workplace in which we can swear and talk about untoward things and not have to dress up.
4. Having people buy creative, fun, interesting stuff we believe in. Oh, you retailers and buyers and FOKKers, how wonderful are you to allow us to do what we do? If you didn’t buy it, we wouldn’t be able to keep making it. If you didn’t interact with us on social media and in stores and at tradeshows, we would feel alone and blue. You get it, we get it, let’s get it together! We’ve got it together, FOKKers, you and Knock Knock. And might I just add that I am also thankful for 2012 being one of the best sales years we’ve ever had, with incredible opportunities popping up left and right. It’ll all combine to be our most profitable year, too, and if you’ve been following the year-by-year history of Knock Knock on this blog (see postscript below), you know how important that is for us!
   

   Just as the party was starting. A few great Knock Knockers in this one: Chelsea, Will, Sara, Jim, me, Craig, Trish, and possibly a couple others I can't make out. Doesn't everybody look great in their Saturday best?

5. Offices we love in a place we love. We are so fortunate to be in the Electric Avenue Studios, with our perch recently expanded into four units from three. It’s a creative, light-filled, open space within walking distance to great lunch places and even the beach (though nobody seems to go from work) in the land of eternal sunshine and the neighborhood of cool breezes, a place where we can walk and bike and generally flout the Los Angeles cars-only reputation.
6. The fact that we made it ten years. Wow. Ten years. Lots of businesses don’t make it to five. When I started Knock Knock, a couple people in my life told me they first thought, “Well, that stuff is great, but what other things can they do?” Each time we brought out a new list, they thought, “Okay, surely they’ve exhausted the ideas now.” The fact that we made a ten-year-perservering company out of consistently innovative and fresh creativity—with major mistakes and missteps and disasters and meltdowns and injuries and teaching “opportunities” along the way—is something to be grateful for, no doubt about it.
7. Other smart people. Early on, I determined that I wanted Knock Knock to function in part as a think tank in the following manner: really smart people coming together to grapple with and debate about interesting challenges and issues (one of the definitions of an interesting problem is one you haven’t had before). I like smart people. I like learning from others. I like it when other smart people constantly spur you to bring your A-game. I like it when there are people around you who are better at what they do than you are. Done, and done!
   

   The amazing AmDC new product design show, Fun / Functional. Such beautiful and witty designs, along with many of their beautiful and witty designers!

8. Knowing how to do this thing we call business. It was so terrifying when I/we had no idea what we were doing or how to do it. Now I’m reasonably seasoned and not a bad businesswoman. For the most part, I truly know how to run Knock Knock, and I know how to do the critical thinking work to figure out the things I don’t yet know. And we’re big enough and functional enough to attract and compensate other people who know what they’re doing, people who’ve had prior experience doing things (vs. reinventing the wheel over and over again), people who can say things like “There might be a better way to do this” or “Let’s create a system or process for that” or “Jen, you’re full of shit.”
9. Having the financial support we needed. We got help for about seven years, which culminated in our becoming debt-free in 2012. Knock Knock’s financial history is unique. It’s one of the areas in which we had an extremely lucky break, and we were able to get to where we are today without many of the financial struggles other growing companies have faced. Sometimes people feel that if others get help financially, what they’re doing isn’t worthwhile. It’s probably an envy thing, and to be sure, it isn’t fair whose endeavors get supported by easy money and whose don’t. But when you and the team work really, really goddamned hard to do something innovative that succeeds in the marketplace year after year (not easy to do, let me tell you), does the fact that you’ve had a couple legs up discount what you’ve done? I don’t think so.
10. A return to a reasonable work-life balance. This is partly personal and partly across the company. That first six years of ninety-hour weeks and untold stress and chaos took a TOLL on me. I still haven’t gotten back to certain pre–Knock Knock standards of life and self (though of course in so many other areas, I’ve greatly surpassed where I was before Knock Knock), but at least there’s the possibility of doing it, and I’m working on it (why, oh why does life require so much work on oneself? it’s exhausting! will it ever end?). It’s also across the company. Knock Knock is so much more orderly and sane than it was in the early years, with most people working normal hours most of the time and knowing what they’re supposed to be doing when. (Yes, this last creative development season, the one that just ended, Spring 2013, was an anachronistic killer, but it’s now over, thank god.)
11. Unending excitement at the prospect of new opportunities and the future. We have compiled a team that does not prefer complacency and status quo—in fact, people who drift in that direction don’t end up doing well at Knock Knock. But for those who love stimulation like I do? People who are easily bored and like to tackle new endeavors? People who are curious about almost everything and don’t say things like “That’s not my job”? It’s the best! On a strategy level, our planning is well into 2014. We’re thinking about things we’ve never thought about before, on scales that would previously have been nothing more than unachievable fantasy. This shit is FUN!

The smiling faces I saw as I gave the speech for the evening. I think I kept it short enough!

So. I end my gratitude list by saying thank you. Thank you to everybody who’s made this ten years possible. Thank you to everybody who’s survived difficult times with and for us and has the scars to prove it. Thank you to everybody who’s celebrated with us, near us, or on us. Because you must know—for a pessimistic, self-flagellating curmudgeon like me to feel so lucky even for a moment is no small thing.

Thank you.

See you at the twenty-year-anniversary party!

P.S. Even though the postscript is dead, I do feel it’s important to let you know that I am aware I only got up to 2007 in my year-by-year narration of Knock Knock’s history. That’s six posts out of the eleven required, a majority. I do still plan to finish this project, and who knows, maybe I’ll make a book out of it, and it will come with a CD of music to slit your wrists by—like Mazzy Star. And a book isn’t too far off—it turns out that the median length for all books is 64,000 words, and I’ve already written (not including this post) 29,138. Because, as we’ve said from the very beginning, why use fewer words when you could use more?

A few of us have stayed on team Knock Knock for the long haul these past ten years (besides Jen, of course). Gil Vizconde, who has been a Knock Knocker since 2004, is one of those select individuals. In this special “In It for the Money,” we picked Gil’s brain on his time at Knock Knock.

Mr. Gil and his token catchphrase after all these years.

1. Knock Knock title you had when you started: Slave. It’s funny, but I really can’t remember. Now I’m the director of operations (DOO)—still a slave, but I get paid a lot more and I get to tell other people what to do.

2. What has changed the most over the time that you’ve been at Knock Knock? The number of offices we occupy. Other than that, the business has grown tremendously and our brand is found everywhere.

Gil and his Knock Knock Composition Book from 2004. He still uses it to this day!

3. What are you proudest of during your time at Knock Knock? I can’t recall any specific event, but every year has been an achievement in terms of what we’ve done as a company, as well as personally in the various roles and positions I’ve had throughout the years. To grow year after year is a lot to be proud of.

4. What do you think would surprise people the most about working at Knock Knock? I think the biggest surprise is the size of our company (FYI, we currently have twenty-five employees). We’re small, but we get a TON of crap done. It amazes even me!

5. What’s the hardest part about working at Knock Knock? Commuting from Phoenix, Arizona, and keeping Jim, the “Prez,” under control during meetings. He gets a little excited sometimes.

6. What’s the best part about working at Knock Knock? It’s gotta be the roll-up door on the business side! Okay, maybe it’s the people and the product—both super cool. And having an office in Venice less than a mile from the beach isn’t bad either.

7. What has surprised you the most about working at an entrepreneurial startup company? It has to be the amount of creativity and work that gets put into every item we sell, from the early idea stage, all the way through production, to the final stage of distribution. It’s so much more work on this side of the business (production and manufacturing). I was on the entrepreneurial retail and selling end previously, so buying and selling product now seems so much easier to me.

8. What’s your favorite discontinued Knock Knock product? I almost forgot about the original Composition Book. It’s the perfect notebook with a hard cover, a strap to keep it closed and your crap inside, perforated corners to mark where you left off, and doodling dots on the bottom.

. . . Or she will rain vengeance on you—using plastic wrap.

You may recall the “office rat” that our operations team enjoys placing in random areas around the office, like the bathroom, candy bucket, inside people’s belongings. (They also love pranking in general. Remember this bit?)

Anyways, last week, on our former designer Alexis’s last day, our director of operations decided to place our fake furry friend in Alexis’s bag. She got him back. Good.

With the help of an unnamed accomplice, whose face you can totally see in these pics, Alexis wrapped all of Gil’s stuff. Like of all of it.

So here’s a traditional and easy way to prank a prankster: wrap all of his or her belongings in cling wrap while the person is out at dinner.

Lots of wrapping going on. And look, Alexis left Gil a note.

The result. They even got his filing cabinet.

Alexis! We will miss you and your mischievious ways.

On May 28, I welcomed my first foster dog into my (and Paco’s) home. Charlotte is a sweet, well-tempered twelve-week-old shepherd mix (because all mutts up for adoption are either lab mixes, shepherd mixes, or pit mixes, sometimes with mention of chow thrown in for exoticism). She is very, very cute. Paco does not like her at all.

Is there anything cuter than a puppy at a web meeting?

It’s been a long time since I had a puppy in the house—eleven years, to be precise, since I adopted Maisie from the South Central pound at eight weeks old. Paco came to me at five months old from a family that didn’t want to keep him. He was a puppy, yes, but for the most part he was already housetrained (except for a really unfortunate diarrhea-and-white-wall-to-wall-carpet incident).

It turns out that Charles Schulz wasn’t just being hyperbolic when he said that happiness is a warm puppy. Mammal babies are cute because they’re designed that way. Big eyes, cute little bodies, red lips, funny movements, playful temperaments—they wriggle and we bond. When Charlotte first arrived, I thought about how people want their dogs to stay puppies. Dog fostering, I determined, could be a way always to have a puppy! But I’d forgotten just how vigilant you have to be with a young canine—peeing, pooping, and chewing are unpredictable and of constant concern. I’ve told Take Me Home dog rescue that I may need to alternate placements with older dogs.

The thought of animals suffering, especially dogs languishing in small kennels or on the streets or abused, breaks my heart, yet to date I haven’t done very much to help. Determining how much of your life and income to give over to charitable causes is a hard call. Before I started Knock Knock, from high school forward I was much more involved in good causes. But the tsunami of the first six years of trial-by-fire Knock Knock meant there was barely room for sleeping, let alone contributing to society. For the last two or three years, I’ve been trying to exercise that muscle again, but it’s not always easy to be consistent or feel like you’re making a difference.

Paco does not like Charlotte. At all.

I also want Knock Knock to become more involved in charitable efforts as a company. We’d like to give our time, product, and money to a cause related to young people and writing (826 would be the obvious one, but it just seems exceedingly well supported already, and so “Look at me, I’m mucho cool” at that) as well as one related to animal welfare. (Over the writing stuff, I’d prefer to corporately support Planned Parenthood and reproductive rights issues, but apparently that’s a little more controversial, so I just support those in my personal life. Shit. Now I feel like Knock Knock’s a fraud for not taking a public stand in a much-needed arena.) It’s been harder than I’d thought to make it happen, though. We get busy and it gets deprioritized. We start to help one organization then learn they’re not actually doing great stuff. Or the group isn’t organized enough to manage our help well (this has happened to me as an individual multiple times—you show up to do stuff and they don’t have anything for you to do, etc.). Or it’s going to cost a buttload to ship giveaway product to a charity to which we agreed, in theory, to donate (paper is heavy, you know, because it used to be trees). It has been a source of surprise to me to recognize how hard it can be to productively and consistently contribute yourself and your resources to organizations and issues that deserve support!

I assume that most people live relatively selfish lives when it comes to the bigger issues, so consumed are they by earning a living and managing their households and families and going on Disney-themed cruises, etc. Perhaps I’m wrong, and I’m just projecting my own selfishness onto them (though I definitely have not yet had the misfortune of enjoying a Disney cruise). I myself have far more good intentions than actions. I’d like to not eat meat, for the aforementioned animal suffering reasons (though now I try mostly to eat meat that comes with a biography, i.e., “This grass-fed, free-range, non-antibiotic-or-grain-fed, gently butchered cow hails from the green hills of the Napa Valley and likes cribbage and long walks on the hillcrest”). I do lots and lots of shopping on Amazon because it’s so bloody convenient, even though they behave in the marketplace like monopolistic, price-setting, jump-you-in-the-alley thugs. I’d like to give away 10 percent of my income but probably max out at about 3 percent. I talk a lot of shit but don’t comprehensively stay up on the news (it’s depressing, after all, what with those narcissistic blowhard politicians going on and on about the size of their . . . budgets). I consume disposables and fuck up the earth. In my mind, there’s no question that I’m part of the problem, not the solution. And it’s not just personal: every time I go to the New York International Gift Fair I think to myself, “I can’t believe there’s this much schlock in the world.” We’re talking useless, unnecessary stuff, like ceramic swans and kosher fudge and gilded cake servers and pet Halloween costumes. And then I think, “I can’t believe Knock Knock is part of making more stuff.” It’s not like our goods are made out of clean air or rainbows or anything. Trees were killed.

Charlotte’s short-term plastic box as a quickie solution for bringing her to the office for an hour without worrying about urine on the carpet. During the meeting, she slept surprisingly deeply, given her contorted and entirely self-chosen positions.

Can you tell I’m unfortunate enough to be both self-critical and undisciplined? But despite my own self-loathing, make more stuff Knock Knock does, and the stuff we make, so people tell us, puts smiles on faces and makes for satisfyingly giftable moments. It also employs twenty-five-plus people (thirty by year’s end!), pays taxes, and allows us to contribute to good causes, if only in a small way so far. Not all of us can be Mother Teresa (and even she, apparently, went five decades without sensing God’s presence—not that I think I should be able to sense a divine presence, but Mother Teresa was all Christian and stuff). Much to my detriment, I tend to see things in an all-or-nothing fashion; if I’m part of the problem, then why should I even try to squeeze a drop of solution into an ocean of disaster?

But even if the only benefit is to make us feel smugly better about ourselves, doing good will become more and more of a focus both for me personally and for Knock Knock. At the very least, even if we keep reprioritizing and responding to the siren call of the money-making urgent, we still have time to be Geezers Doing Good. Provided, of course, we and the earth and those Disney-themed cruises last that long.

It’s that time of the year again, when the Knock Knock office is filled to the brim with cardboard boxes and the lingering scent of packaging tape. What’s caused this pleasant ruckus?

Our amazing customer services and operations team is sending lovely Fall 2012 product samples to over eighty reps across the nation. Exciting indeed.

Our customer service rockstar, Jazzlyn, with the new catalogs. Cheesin' for the cam.

Gil and Paul, team operations!

Carboard boxes Instagrammed. That makes it instantly intimately beautiful, right?

The digital girls, moi on the left and our e-commerce manager, Sara, on the right. They barracaded our space with wheelable chairs, so we made it into a half-assed fort. Secret password required!

We assume you FOKKers must love guessing games, since over the last two weeks we received nearly 300 entries for this contest.

Now, you must be itching to find out what the exact number is. Here’s a clue . . .

567 Fucked Up Pill Erasers!

Sorry, we couldn’t contain our own excitement. But yes, there were 567 erasers in that jar.

We were surprised that the day we announced the contest, not one, but two people guessed the number exactly right. However, time was all the difference, and the person who entered first was named the winner.

So without further ado . . .

Congratulations Haya Husain of Austin, Texas!

Haya, expect a direct message from us to collect your winnings—$30 worth of Knock Knock stuff!

And thank you all for entering. Many of you weren’t very far off, since the average guess was 447 pills. You smart FOKKers, you.

We had an office version of this contest going on simultaneously, where Knock Knockers wrote their guess on a sticky note and stuck it on the jar. Although, our head honcho submitted her guess via email.

Anyways, congratulations to Paul, our assistant manager of operations and customer service!

He guessed 553, and won a heap of office bragging rights. Way to go, Paul!

———————-

This just in. Little did we know that Paul and Gil, our director of operations and customer service, pulled yet another office prank. They stuck the fake rat, a pranking staple at Knock Knock, in the Pill Eraser jar a week ago, hoping that our marketing and digital coordinator (myself), would do a recount and subsequently freak out. Instead, Paul ended up dumping the contents himself, revealing their little trick.

Fellas, watch your backs!

What will we do with Paul and Gil?

Looking back at Gil’s “In It for the Money” from months ago, here’s how he described his daily routine:

“I, ‘manage vendor relationships with several key outside contractors—3PL, logistics and distribution, IT programmers, and other consultants’ as well as ‘manage inventory’ and be ‘responsible for all budgets in these key areas, as well as special projects.’”

. . . That sounds fancy and all, but here’s a more realistic list of his day-to-day agenda:

1. Shoot Nerf darts, using pictures of Carolyn, our VP of Sales and Randy, our national sales manager, as targets.

2. Re-pot his favorite Knock Knock plant, “Betsy.” “Betsy” has since been renamed, “Two-Spoon Betsy,” since she is now held up with the aid of two plastic spoons.

3. Look at pictures of baby penguins. (This picture may or may not have been enhanced.)

For our weekly “In It for the Money” feature, we’ll be introducing you to the kick-ass Knock Knockers who make everything go, from creative to sales to logistics to . . . everything! Note—everybody answers the first five questions. After that, they have about fifteen wild-card questions from which to choose.

At a restaurant in the Forbidden City in Beijing. They are the eggmen. I am the walrus.

1. Name and title? Paul Rubin, operations associate.

2. Originally from? Los Angeles, California.

3. What the hell do you do all day? I help Gil, our director of operations, with day-to-day spreadsheet updating, spreadsheet reports, spreadsheet calculations, spreadsheet this, spreadsheet that, and spreadsheet the other.

4. Favorite thing about working at Knock Knock? The atmosphere is fun, the people are great, and I get do something new every day (i.e., this feature).

5. Favorite hobbies outside work? I’m kind of a sports nut. I’m not that guy who paints his face black and purple or mugs for the camera, but if you hear a screaming, incoherent, obscenity-laced tirade, then you might just be sitting near me. Oh, and watching sunsets with my girlfriend, Jenny.

6. Did your professional life exist before Knock Knock? Most recently I taught at a University in Nanjing, China. Yes, it was as awesome as it sounds. I also worked in the jewelry business—not as awesome as it sounds.

7. Favorite Knock Knock product? File Folders. As much as I enjoy the tedium of shuffling endlessly through papers and finding that the only one missing is the one you need, well, Knock Knock’s folders don’t prevent that from happening, but at least they put a smile on my face before I start.

8. Favorite website? Yahoo. Specifically, Yahoo! News. If you’ve been on there, you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, you need to check it out. It has just the right mix of recently-set world records, people making fools of themselves, shortcuts to getting rich, amazing hockey goals, and oh yeah, politics too.

This was also taken in Beijing. I am indeed snacking on a scorpion.

9. Food or drink you couldn’t live without? I’m not a very picky eater, so there isn’t really one thing I couldn’t live without. However, after being in China and trying crab brain, fish eyeball, pig snout, cow cartilage, scorpion, chicken heart, and fish stomach—I’ve come to the realization that I can do without those.

10. Pet peeves? Other people driving on the same road that I am. Choose a different route, please. Thank you.

11. If you were a superhero, what would your name and superpowers be? I have always been fascinated by the question, “If you could choose between having the power of invisibility or being able to fly, which would you choose?” If I were a superhero, I would choose both as my powers, so I can stop thinking about this quandary. You can call me “Invisible Flight Man.”

12. What advice would you give your past self? Start a website where people can post pictures, add friends, make comments, join groups, send messages, and Like things. Trust me on this one.