Phew—we’re happy tax season is officially over.

As our head honcho wrote in a comment, all of your Tax Day haikus were excellent. We’re not sure if you put in extra effort because it’s National Poetry Writing Month, you’re all wordsmiths, or you all just really wanted free stuff. Consequently, it was so hard to choose just five. So hard. Yet, we had to do what we had to do and decided to choose the winners at random.

Congrats to these poets:

1. Michelle Franklin

2. Carol Alexander Horton

3. Adam Cargioli

4. Klara Kross

5. Mona Alshorah

You’ll receive a direct message shortly, peeps. We hope you enjoy the Money Receiptables!

And thank you to all the FOKKers who participated. Stay tuned for May’s blog contest!

Tax season is almost at a close, however we’re sure a handful of you are still scurrying to submit your returns. It’s a snore dealing with the paper work, but we’ve heard tax evasion isn’t “in” these days.

Those of you calculating deductions last minute should take a break, wind down, and channel your aggravation into a haiku.

For April’s blog contest, we want you to write a Tax Day haiku about anything relevant to this dreaded day—whether it’s your frustrations, what you’d rather be doing with your time, or even what you would do with your returns. The sky really is the limit.

We’ll reward five of you with a free Knock Knock Money Receiptables—so you can prep for next year’s federal “tax party” ahead of time!

Write a Tax Day haiku and you could win a Money Receiptables to track your spending!

To enter:

1. In the comments section of this blog post, write a haiku on anything relevant to Tax Day. Contest ends 4/17. It was appropriate.

We will choose the top five haikus that strike our fancy and announce the winners on Thursday, 4/19.

And for the love of anything and everything that’s more enticing than filing tax returns, have fun with this, FOKKers!

We assume you FOKKers must love guessing games, since over the last two weeks we received nearly 300 entries for this contest.

Now, you must be itching to find out what the exact number is. Here’s a clue . . .

567 Fucked Up Pill Erasers!

Sorry, we couldn’t contain our own excitement. But yes, there were 567 erasers in that jar.

We were surprised that the day we announced the contest, not one, but two people guessed the number exactly right. However, time was all the difference, and the person who entered first was named the winner.

So without further ado . . .

Congratulations Haya Husain of Austin, Texas!

Haya, expect a direct message from us to collect your winnings—$30 worth of Knock Knock stuff!

And thank you all for entering. Many of you weren’t very far off, since the average guess was 447 pills. You smart FOKKers, you.

We had an office version of this contest going on simultaneously, where Knock Knockers wrote their guess on a sticky note and stuck it on the jar. Although, our head honcho submitted her guess via email.

Anyways, congratulations to Paul, our assistant manager of operations and customer service!

He guessed 553, and won a heap of office bragging rights. Way to go, Paul!

———————-

This just in. Little did we know that Paul and Gil, our director of operations and customer service, pulled yet another office prank. They stuck the fake rat, a pranking staple at Knock Knock, in the Pill Eraser jar a week ago, hoping that our marketing and digital coordinator (myself), would do a recount and subsequently freak out. Instead, Paul ended up dumping the contents himself, revealing their little trick.

Fellas, watch your backs!

What will we do with Paul and Gil?

The most accurate guesser will win $30 worth of Knock Knock stuff.

We had a few boxes full of rare Knock Knock Fucked Up Pill Erasers* lying around the office. In an effort to give them purpose, we stashed the pills in a massive jar for this month’s blog contest.

So, how many pills do you think are in this fine-looking jar?

Tell us your guess and the person who’s the closest will receive $30 worth of Knock Knock stuff of their choice. We chose $30 since it’s the third month of the year. Imagine that.

To enter:

Post your guess in the comments section of this blog post or email blog@knockknockstuff.com with your answer by 6 p.m. on Tuesday, 3/20. Only one guess per person!

If multiple people have the correct answer, the winner will be chosen at random.

The winner will be announced at the end of March. May the odds be ever in your favor . . . and the even numbers too.

*The story and mystique behind this defunct product is meant for a future blog post. But don’t fret, we’ll share it with you in due time.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve teamed up with one of our favorite design companies, Blik, to host two love-inspired giveaways (one ran yesterday and one today). If you’re not familiar with our inventive friends at Blik (they were the first in the world to create removable wall graphics!), kindly check them out on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and see their designs. They are truly rad, fab, and good-natured FOKKers.

Today’s contest: What’s your best falling-in-love story?

Yesterday, we asked you to submit your worst breakup tale. It was oh-so trying, delving through all the heartache. Now, we want to shake-off our bleak chord and need those who have been hit by cupid’s arrow to help us rejuvenate our hope in romance.

So pull at our heartstrings. No, really, please do. Your buddies at Blik and Knock Knock will reward the best aw-shucks-tear-jerking anecdote with a bundle of love, which includes:

• Blik’s Untitled Heart Wall Decal
• Vouchers for Lovers
• Pickups and Come-Ons for All Occasions
• 100 Hugs Tickets
• Why I Really Like You Pad
• Sweet Nothings Sticky Notes

Behold the prize. Leave your story on Blik's blog post and you could receive all of this stuff in return.

To enter:

• Go to Blik’s blog post (not our blog post) and leave a comment with your best falling-in-love story. (U.S. and Canada peeps only.)
• All comments must be posted by 11:59 p.m. PST today.

Remember, “Choose your love, then love your choice.” (p. 52) (Cliché and Platitudes for All Occasions always hits it on-target.)

Check out the winners of both giveaways tomorrow, 2/2!

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve teamed up with one of our favorite design companies, Blik, to host two love-inspired giveaways (one today and one tomorrow). If you’re not familiar with our inventive friends at Blik (they were the first in the world to create removable wall graphics!), kindly check them out on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and see their designs. They are truly both rad, fab, and good-natured FOKKers.

Today’s contest: What’s your worst breakup story? Contest is now closed.

Love hurts. We know.

The pangs of a broken heart can make you eat your feelings in stale snack cakes, curse e. e. cummings, and have “Always Be My Baby” by Mariah Carey on repeat.

But let your friends at Blik and Knock Knock be your shoulder to cry on (sans the physical shoulder). Share your worst breakup tale with us and you could win a heart-mending bundle that includes:

• Blik’s Heart Breakout Wall Decal
• Breakups and Rejections for All Occasions
• Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off Pad
• Rate-a-Date Pad
• Thanks for Being Stamp

Behold the prize. Tell us your story and you could receive all of this stuff in return.

To enter:

• In this post’s comment section below, tell us your worst, heartrending breakup story. (U.S. and Canada peeps only.)
• All comments must be posted by 11:59 p.m. PST today.

. . . And just so you know, “You’re better off.” (p. 68) (Thanks, Pep Talks and Picker-Uppers!)

Congratulations to our winner, Dawn Taylor!

Having to live with your ex-fiancé for a whole year after he broke up with you via text? Rough roads. We hope your prize bundle helps!

And a hearty thank you to everyone who participated! Picking a winner was tough and it seems all of your exes deserve Hey Asshole sheets!

We threw this last-minute new products blog contest to pick your brain on what your fave spring products are. It was hard to choose just two winners, since each and every comment made us crack a huge grin. But since that’s what we initially wrote, we had to stick to the rules.

I myself did notice that a huge trend was writing about the Indelicate Doily Coasters, which made me wonder if you all just looked at the picture above and immediately typed a blurb on that. But I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt because those are secretly one of my favorites as well.

Congrats to the winners:

1. Lucky McGee, Office Speak Pencil Case

Your making-envelopes-out-of-magazines idea made us “ooh” and “aah.” And it would be our pleasure to third-party assist you in your crafty ways. Also, send us that picture of Electric Avenue! It would be so fun to see and share.

2. Janine Kamouh, One Word a Day Journal

Thank you for you anecdote. It was as if we were right there with your family, sitting at the dinner table, listening to you gab on and on. It won’t offend us if you talk about your win for more than two hours each day, but our apologies to your family and friends in advance.

Be on the lookout for more upcoming contests, FOKKers! (Hint, hint: we have a special one coming up next week, so be on the lookout!)

One of our Knock One Back Indelicate Doily Coasters.

The fruits of our labor are finally here, friends! You’ve peeked at a few of our products already, including our Big Word Flashcards, It’s A Dog’s Life JournaI: Our First Year Together, and A Year of Fortunes (Without the Cookies). But I’d virtually march on over here and see the rest of the spring beauties for yourself—if you haven’t already.

We are so excited to introduce new lines, including our Indelicate Doily Coasters and Office Speak gear (dibs on the Rotating Stamp), and we’re so happy to refresh favorites, like our Academic Planners, Task Clips, and Greeting Cards.

You may also notice that our Inner-Truth clan has new kin, including our Inner-Truth Magnets and our Mini Inner-Truth Journals. (There are so many internal conversations to be had.)

One of our newest pads: Culture Vulture.

Speaking of journals, have you seen our One Word a Day Journal or The Self-Help Smorgasbord activity book? Leisure and downtime are totally calling your name. Give in with these helpers.

And curb the little ones’ fussy times with our My Food Passport and My Fitness Passport. (We’re sure it will reduce the amount of groans—from both the kids and yourself—which all parties can appreciate.)

We could go on and on about our new products (we haven’t even touched on our new Pads, Playtime Pads, Nifty Notes, and Sticky Notes), but we’re more thrilled to hear what your favorite is so far.

So, we thought we’d shake things up with a quick, one-day only blog contest! Two winners will receive their favorite new product, courtesy of our anticipation and appreciation.

To enter: Tell us what your favorite new spring product is and why in a blog comment below by 7:00 p.m. PST today. And posts just on our Facebook wall won’t count. (I know, we sound like hard-asses.)

Happy commenting!

Congrats to our contest winner, Esther Rieck!

First and foremost, a huge thanks to all of the FOKKers who participated! It takes guts to send knock-knock jokes to a company who’s admittingly jaded by them. So, hats off to you!

Our head honcho, Jen, handpicked the winning joke after hours and hours of contemplation. (Okay, so it didn’t take that long to pick a winner, but it wasn’t an easy choice either!)

But without further ado, the winner of $50 worth of Knock Knock stuff is . . .

. . . Esther Rieck!

Here’s her joke:

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Thermos.

Thermos who?

Thermos be a better knock-knock joke than this.

Our head honcho’s thoughts: “I love this one because it’s a knock-knock joke about how awful knock-knock jokes are, something I was so dismayed to learn when I actually dove into the genre upon starting Knock Knock, thinking that I’d find the gems for marketing purposes or some such!”

We wonder what Esther will spend the $50 on . . .

Also, a handful of entries succeeded in tickling us (which is still a prize in itself). Here are the honorable mentions:

1. Carolyn Averill:

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

9/11

9/11 who?

<beat>

. . . You said you’d never forget.

Our head honcho’s thoughts: The rare serious and adult knock-knock joke.

2. Jarks 37:

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Too.

Too who?

I think you mean: to “whom”, sir.

Our head honcho’s thoughts: For a grammarphile? Come on! The best. Patti Keller also sent in a version of this.

3. Marla Pollard:

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Ivana.

Ivana who?

Ivana win this contest to have the coolest KK stuff =)

Our head honcho’s thoughts: Yes, I love anything that mentions Knock Knock. Have I ever told you that

I’m not above enjoying ass-kissing? Rebecca Keller also did a version of this.

4. Erin Murphy:

Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Honey bee.

Honey bee who?

Honey bee a dear and get me some Knock Knock products for Christmas.

Our head honcho’s thoughts: Another one that plays to our ego! We love it!

If there’s one thing the holidays should be about, it’s giving unto others (and drinking bottomless cups of eggnog).

So, we’re awarding gift givers this season with an exclusively sweet treat—Knock Knock chocolate bars!

Starting today through this Thursday, every person who places an order from our site will automatically be put into a daily drawing. At the end of each day, we will randomly select a winner*, who then gets to pick three Knock Knock bars to indulge in. This giveaway is now closed. But keep on giving!

Also, If you’re scratching your head, asking, “What? Knock Knock makes chocolate bars? What’s next, garden gnomes?!” The answer is yes, we make chocolate bars with our buddies at the Praim Group. Luckily, their online store is coming soon! (But we’re holding off on the garden gnomes.)

And just between you and us, several of these premium chocolate bars aren’t even in physical stores yet (although you can purchase some of them in bulk here.) Check them out below, and allow the influx of gift giving to commence.

*FYI, we use a computerized, number “randomizer” to select the winner fair and square. We did try using spitballs and darts, but it didn’t work out.

You could win three of these babies!