The Knock Knock Wedding Survival Kit

We’ve Got You Covered this Wedding Season!

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In reality, getting ready to “tie the knot” feels more like a horrid game of Cat’s cradle. All those endless and crucial decisions—what color fondant should be used for the cake? What bridesmaid’s dress will look good on everyone? Where’s the invite list, and how do we distract granny from abusing the open bar? Ugh, it’s exhausting. Especially if you’re the friend helping plan all of it.

But don’t sweat the small stuff. We’re lightening your load with our Wedding Survival Kit. Click an item below to print and share with the wed-to-be!

Instant Toasts for the bride or groom, straight from our Toasted Book.

Release from Singlehood Certificate.

Now that You’re Married Card (written in true Knock Knock fashion)

1. Instant Toasts for the bride or groom. No need to think too much about what you’re going to say. Fill in the blanks and voilá! It’ll be a cry fest for all (the good kind)!

Click the image to print an Instant Toast for the Bride.

Click the image to print an Instant Toast for the Bride.

 

2. Release from Singlehood Certificate. Since your friend is officially settling down, make sure they have it on paper for his or her records.

Click the image to print a Release from Singlehood Certificate.

 

3. Now that You’re Married Card. Print this out and check off all that apply for your pal. Single ladies and gents who want to get married some day, this checklist will lighten your wedding blues.

Click the image to print a Now that You're Married Card.

 

And as a last-minute wedding gift idea, throw in a 100 Reasons to Panic about Getting Married Book into the mix. It’ll really soothe their nerves!

100 Reasons to Panic about Getting Married by Knock Knock

Free Domestic Shipping Deal for Presidents’ Day!

Let Free(shipping) Ring!

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Four score and seven hours ago, we started our Presidents’ Day deal for free domestic shipping on all orders made now through Monday, Feb. 18 (actual Presidents’ Day)! Just enter KK4PREZ at checkout. 

Turns out this deal has created quite a hum on the Twittersphere already:

So save away, FOKKers! And if you have a Knock Knock-related post, be sure to tag us on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram!

Knock Knock’s Holiday Survival Kit 2012

Let's Lessen Your Yuletide Load

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Are you shaking in your stockings from overwhelming holiday stress? Don’t fret, FOKKers, we’ve got your back. While we can’t give you a warm mug of spiced cocoa to soothe your nerves, here’s a free “Knock Knock Holiday Survival Kit” to help you in this time of required cheeriness. Just download, print, and enjoy:

Knock Knock Gift Tags

Advent Datebook 2012

Instant Holiday Cheer Card
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1. Knock Knock Gift Tags.  Add an honest touch to your giftwrapping with these Knock Knock gift tags. We designed three different tags so you can cover all gifting grounds. Download them below!

Knock Knock-ify your presents with these gift tags.

 

Click this image to download and print Knock Knock gift tags. (Note: print on standard 8.5" x 11" paper.)

 

2. Advent Datebook 2012.  Count down the rest of December with Knock Knock’s printable advent calendar, which is chock-full of holiday reminders. Don’t forget to check-off tasks upon completion!

Click the image to download the full version of the Knock Knock Advent Datebook! (Note: print on standard 8.5" x 11" paper.)


3. Instant Holiday Cheer Card.  If you know a few scrooges in the office, be sure to give them this card. Or print it for yourself, cut out the nose, and wear it with pride.

Click the image to download this Instant Holiday Cheer Card and spread joy this way and that. (Note: print on standard 8.5" x 11" paper.)

 

Finally, don’t forget our gift guides for present ideas and to check our Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram pages for daily tips and tricks for the season!

One Last Love Note For February

It's Our "Something for Nothing" Feature!

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Just a reminder: you can follow Knock Knock on Tumblr, which plays hub to our original content. And as always, sharing posts on Facebook or retweeting on Twitter is surely welcomed!

Can you believe it’s nearly the end of the month? We want to wrap up our Reality Rhymes posts (love-related posts, that is) with this ditty. (We know, we know. Valentine’s Day is over and done with, but why not continue to spread the love? Or get a head start on next year?)

A Poem for Valentine’s Day

It's Our "Something for Nothing" Feature!

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First things first, a universal tip: today would be a good day to utilize our Why I Must Have Sex With You Pad (or maybe our Paper Pickup Nifty Notes?).

Also, if you still owe a post-Valentine’s Day gift, check out our evergreen ideas here.

But for a quick freebie, send this along to your beau:

Follow Knock Knock on Tumblr for our original content. And as always, sharing posts on Facebook or retweeting on Twitter is surely welcomed!

A Rhyme For the Singles Out There

It's Our "Something for Nothing" Feature!

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We’re publishing our Reality Rhymes greeting card series each week of February. We understand if you’ll want to share our rhymes with friends, family, and lovers—and we wholly support it, if not insist on it. Have you followed our Tumblr? It plays hub to original Knock Knock content, ready for reblogging. And as always, sharing posts on Facebook or retweeting on Twitter is surely welcomed.

This week’s Reality Rhyme:

Encapsulate Your Feelings Into A Rhyme—A Reality Rhyme!

It’s Our “Something for Nothing” Feature!

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Starting this month, we will be publishing our Reality Rhymes greeting card series—one for each week of love-fest February (and other scattered holidays throughout the year). We understand if you’ll want to share our rhymes with friends, family, and lovers—and we wholly support it, if not insist on it. You can also follow our fresh Tumblr, as it plays hub to original Knock Knock content, ready for reblogging. And as always, sharing posts on Facebook or retweeting on Twitter is surely welcomed.

The Reality Rhymes logo on the card's back cover. We put a bird on it.

Is it only us, or do other people barf at those treacly cursive swirly glittery embossed schmaltzy sentiment cards in the grocery store? Those ones with the ridiculous poems that, were they to really mean something, the giver should have written him- or herself? The ones that use words like “hope” and “favorite” and “Jesus Christ” or “God” (but not in the swearing way)? We’re thinking it’s not just us. And we were really thinking it wasn’t just us when we released a new line of greeting cards called Reality Rhymes in 2006.

But they sure didn’t sell. Just like I assume that people didn’t get my joke if they don’t laugh in response (vs. thinking that perhaps it just wasn’t funny), I still think the Reality Rhymes cards are kick-ass—dark, funny, and true, but all in a cursive against an airbrushed picture of unattainably scenic perfection. I thought that people would buy the cards as jokes (and some of them for real), but apparently, for the most part, people actually buy cards to give to other people, damn them. Another thought was that visually the line was too on the nose—people looked at them quickly and didn’t realize they were parodies rather than the real barfy thing.

Maybe we’ll gather them together in a book one day. In the meantime, we’re thinking they should totally go viral. That is, with your help.

PS: I wanted to have a tagline on the backs of these babies saying, “When you care enough to send the very worst” (you know, like Hallmark), but the lawyers thought it was too risky.

This week’s Reality Rhyme:

Get Instant Holiday Cheer!

It’s Our “Something for Nothing” Feature!

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Want to show everyone that you’re really into the holiday spirit? Here you go.

(Print out, place on nose, and proceed with your day.)

What Do You Mean, “Have a Nice Day”?

It’s Our “Something for Nothing” Feature!

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Oh, so gosh-darned cute. Who doesn’t love an iconic yellow smiley face? But wait—where the hell does it come from? Read on, grasshopper.

The original concept of Knock Knock included something we were calling a “catazine” or “magalog”—at the time, we didn’t realize this was a real thing. In addition to creating product for sale, we were going to put out a magazine, a publication that had only one advertiser: us. I quickly realized that (a) creating and distributing products might be a lot of work; (b) creating and distributing a magazine might be a lot of work; (c) doing both might kill us, or at least me, because I’m just that weak; and (d) it might be better to start with the money-making endeavor (and lord knows that wasn’t going to be the magazine, no matter the hybrid word).

The compromise was that we included content in our catalogs, from quotations to false facts and stats to—gasp, I know this will surprise you based on this blog—essays. Of course in around 2007 or 2008 we stopped doing that because we got jaded and it was kind of too much work. But before that? I think our catalogs had some extra-special pleasure in them.

Our Spring 2004 catalog may be my favorite catalog we’ve ever done. It was horizontal in format and oh-so-cute. We won some design awards for it. It had three full pages of something for nothing: a history of the phrase “Have a nice day” and a special Knock Knock Kidz Korner. Enjoy!

The best history of “Have a nice day” you’ll ever read.

You’re welcome to print this out and fill it out while you’re waiting for the dentist.

You’re welcome to print this out and fill it out while you’re waiting for the dentist.

A Little Piece of the Menu Organizers—For Free!

It’s Our “Something for Nothing” Feature!

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It’s our “Something for Nothing” feature, in which we give you something we wrote or otherwise made (other than the blog post itself, of course)—for free!

The original Menu Organizer was contained a translucent polypropylene binder. For a bit of wit, “Menus” was printed in mirror writing on the back of the binder. This version included more items than a company could possibly be profitable with: a pencil pouch, ratings sticky notes, a truly crappy pen or four (including two dry-erase so you could mark orders on the plastic sleeves holding the menus), and a life-sized (small) order-taking pad. And . . . the essay!

Back in the day, before Knock Knock was jaded (or sensible, depending on how you look at it), we put tons o’ editorial content in everything. Even in products for which you wouldn’t necessarily expect it. As a lapsed academic, I believed in research and footnotes (and still do, to a certain extent, though when time gets away from you and something isn’t perceived as “value-added,” one tends to stop doing it quite so much; remind me to tell you about the time I spent 18.7 hours researching and writing one greeting card).

I have long been fascinated with the evolution toward outsourcing our food preparation, akin to outsourcing the sewing of our clothing and the building of our homes—things we just don’t do ourselves anymore. So what better “Easter egg” to include in the first Menu Organizer than a history of takeout? I figured that those who would appreciate it would really appreciate it while others would simply ignore it. Remember—this baby was published in 2004, so it was before the Whole Foods superstore revolution. It’s amazing that in just seven years, so much has happened in this arena!

We actually gave permission to the Cornell University School of Hotel (and Hospitality) Administration to reproduce it in one of their journals, though we never saw the finished product, so perhaps it didn’t go forward. We were so honored that a university recognized how meticulous our research was! The ultimate realization of this concept was The Takeout Cookbook, which completely tanked, in part because it’s not really a cookbook, but a history of outsourcing our food. The content in that is great, though, so maybe one day we’ll figure out how to use it in something else, like cooking with leftovers!

The Definitive History of Takeout
First Published in the Original Menu Organizer, Spring 2004

Let’s face it—we don’t cook so much anymore. “Our society is transitioning to a point where preparing food in this country will have the same status as building our own furniture or sewing our own clothes,” says Scott Allmendinger, publisher of Takeout Business. “It won’t be too many more generations before that happens. People are already beginning to look at preparing food as an avocation or a hobby, like woodworking.”1

The first refresh of the Menu Organizer, coincided with a refresh of all our organizers (Medical, Greeting Card, Pet, etc.). This paper-over-board binder held ingredients streamlined from the previous version—a larger order-taking pad, another crappy pen, and paper pockets instead of plastic sleeves.

Public dining is itself relatively recent in human history. The first known restaurant, opened in Paris in 1765, served soups and broths. While earlier establishments (mostly inns and hostelries) charged a fixed price for one meal, consisting of whatever the host cooked that day, the soup outfit displayed a varied menu from which the customer chose. In French, the word “restaurant” means “restorative,” and this pioneering soup vendor believed his fare to have salubrious properties. Irrespective of health benefits, the word on the soup sign stuck. The first full-service, luxury restaurant opened in Paris in 1782, and by 1804 Paris boasted some 500 restaurants, owing in part to the French Revolution, which, by displacing the aristocracy, put many private chefs out of a job.

The first restaurant in the United States, Delmonico’s, opened in 1830 in New York City. Subsequent American contributions to the dining genre primarily entailed the incorporation of speed and mobility. The United States is responsible for the first cafeterias (which arose during the Gold Rush to feed miners); restaurant chains (the first, Harvey House, opened in 1876, and operated in train stations across the country to feed passengers during stops); the railroad dining car; the lunch counter; fast food (White Castle opened its doors in 1921, 34 years before the establishment of the first McDonalds, in 1955); the specialty restaurant (e.g., seafood or steak); and the drive-in or drive-through. It’s no surprise that the United States has also led the way in food takeout and delivery.

The most recent refresh of the Menu Organizer is a classy ziparound case to contain even the most klutzy of menus—plus all the perks of its predecessor. Buy ten now!

While restaurants have flourished in the U.S. for almost 200 years, early eateries were oriented primarily to the wealthy and to travelers or laborers. Over the last fifty years, however, the practice of eating food prepared outside the home—whether in a restaurant or takeout—has risen dramatically. The restaurant industry’s share of the overall food dollar grew from 25 percent in 1955 to 45.8 percent in 2000,2 a proportion expected to reach 53 percent by 2010.3

Of those dollars, a skyrocketing percentage goes to takeout and delivery orders—home-meal replacements, or HMRs in industry jargon. Dinnertime takeout has doubled since 1984.4 In 1996, takeout overtook on-site dining as the majority of all food-service occasions (54 percent), and continues to rise at three times the pace of on-site meal growth. Diners now choose to eat takeout dinner at home 61 percent more often than they did ten years ago.5 In 1998, 21 percent of all U.S. households used some form of takeout or delivery on a daily basis.6

Experts attribute this shift largely to the busyness, speed, and increasing specialization of contemporary life. In a 2001 survey, one third of respondents said they believe “using restaurants allows them to be more productive individuals” and that takeout meals are “essential to their lifestyles.”7 Industry researcher Hudson Riehle asserts that “Carry-out will only continue to grow in importance to the industry. . . . It seems unlikely that this trend will ever reverse itself.”8 When asked how big the takeout and delivery revolution would become for restaurants, consultant David Pursglove replied, “As big as you can imagine. Takeout/delivery meets every need that is developing—lack of time, need for more quality time with family, hassle over dressing and parking, etc.”9

The book that this essay, “The Definitive History of Takeout,” inspired. Yes, it tanked. Yes, we still have hopes to do something with the amazing content. And no, it’s not really a cookbook (perhaps part of its downfall).

These statistics show that we’re not alone, and we’re not necessarily lazy or extravagant. We simply don’t have the time or inclination to cook. Given this transformation of our eating practices, does it make sense that we store our precious menus in a chaotic jumble? Order your takeout food with pride and organization—you are part of the Takeout Revolution.

1.   “All Signs Point to Takeout Taking Off,” Donna Oetzel, Restaurants USA, June–July 1999.

2.   National Restaurant Association, Restaurant Trends and Statistics, Frequently Asked Questions.

3.   “A Guide to Success in 2010,” Susan Mills, Restaurants USA, September 1999.

4.   Ibid.

5.   See note 1 above.

6.   Industry Statistics, National Restaurant Association.

7.   “Quickservice Business on the Rise,” Robert Ebbin, Restaurants USA, August 2002.

8.   “Forecasting the Restaurant Industry’s Future,” Moderated Discussion with National Restaurant Association, January 2002.

9.   “What’s Hot in the Restaurant Industry,” Moderated Discussion with National Restaurant Association, June 2002.