Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word or phrase into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

The first Google Image result. Hooray for Microsoft Paint!

Since today is Columbus Day, we thought it was an appropriate subject for Google Roulette. Although the state of California doesn’t consider Columbus Day a legally paid holiday (it was revoked in 2009), right now we’re at our desks wondering which beach we would be lounging at if it we had the day off.

Anyways, the first image looks like the person who created it went Microsoft Paint-happy, which runs right along with the Microsoft clip and word art graphics that usually pop up in these searches (oh to be in 1998 again). Also, we’re curious as to why this version of Columbus looks like he could be Don Quixote’s twin brother.

Aside from the majority of pictures that came up that overused ships, compasses, and the phrase “Land ho,” the seventeenth search result was of a 2008 Val Kilmer movie titled “Columbus Day.” (IMDB.com’s summary: a thief tries to fix the damage done during the biggest heist of his career. It sounds like a big, dramatic, action-packed winner.)

The seventeenth Google Image result. Where is Val Kilmer nowadays?

In addition to our typical search, we wondered which Knock Knock product Mr. Columbus would have used while he sailed the ocean blue if our company existed back in 1492. He probably would’ve used our Travel Life Log, Pack This Pad, or the Bon Voyage Tablet to keep his travel itinerary afloat (pun intended). And the people that were already established in the Americas at that point would’ve had WTF Stamps and Hey Asshole Pads at ready. Okay, at this point our mind is just drifting  . . . so back to work we go. And for those of you who have the rest of the day off—have a safe and fun Monday.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

The first Google Images result. Note that the search pretty much yielded this image over and over again.

Alexis, one of our designers, suggested we google “bunny with a pancake” this week.

At first we were like, We did cute last week. Then we were like, Last week cute led us to Cuddle Parties. And we were furthermore like, What if looking at cute animals sucks up all our time? And seconds later, we were like, This is the first Google Roulette we’ve done where almost all the pictures that pop up are the same images.

Oolong, the rabbit who started it all.

But then we got into the bunny-with-things-on-his-head groove and wound up cherishing the five minutes we spent getting to know Oolong, a now-deceased bunny who sported pancakes—and so much more—on his head.

Oolong, a Japanese rabbit, lived with a photographer human companion who taught Oolong to balance things on his head. Oolong was also lucky enough to have his daily musings regularly documented. When Oolong passed away, in 2003, at the age of eight, he left online buzz ranging from the New York Times (which noted, “Photo blogs are the colorful offspring of blogs, or Web logs, written diaries posted and updated regularly on the Internet”) to an artist who painted oil still-lifes of him. We wish we’d had the chance to meet Oolong. Unfortunately, in 2003, we didn’t know what photo blogs were.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

The thirteenth Google Images result. The little one is acting as the “big spoon.” Role reversal. Cute overload.

We’re not sure what it is about cuddling animals that make our hearts go soft and our crankiness cease. And since it’s Monday, we thought we would spread the cuteness (and stoop to the level of luring you in with delightful kitten pictures).

Which cuddling kittens picture do you think is cuter—the first image result or the thirteenth? It’s says something, though we know not what, that three out of the first thirteen pictures were cats cuddling, and two out of the thirteen were similarly embracing polar bears. But this breed-defying picture may just be the cutest of the search.

As you would imagine, many “cuddle” keyword results are indeed adorable. The seventh, however, was the opposite—borderline disturbing. From first glance, it looked as though a heap of adults took the O’Jays’ “Love Train” song literally.

The seventh Google Image result. Non-cute overload.

We couldn’t help but investigate where this mysterious picture came from, and we weren’t disappointed: it’s featured on Cuddleparty.com, the site of a nationwide nonprofit that promotes social events and workshops “designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries, and affection.” Their “About Us” describes,

You can come to a Cuddle Party to meet new people, to enjoy amazing conversations, to touch, to be touched, to have fun, to practice asking for what you want, to practice saying “no” to what you don’t want—all in a setting structured to be a safe place for exploration and enjoyment.

We were sad to see that we’d just missed this Cuddle Party, which sold out in two days. How much does a Cuddle Party cost to attend? Apparently it starts at $40, but they’re nice enough to provide a sliding scale for those in need, down to $20.99, for ladies only because the event organizer is “barely making [her]* rent.” Fortunately, even though we couldn’t be there, this video made us feel as if we had been.

Addendum:

*Like many people who have trouble making their rent, this particular Cuddle Party’s leader is vastly overeducated:

I have taken over 160 trainings in the last 17 years in the areas of life and wellness coaching, massage therapy, Polarity Therapy, Reposturing Dynamics, Theta Healing, Radical Forgiveness, Radical Honesty, Getting Real/Honesty Salons, energy healing, communication and relationship skills, Byron Katie, the Four Agreements, the Sedona Method, EFT, NVC, MMI, Dan Kennedy, Psycho-Cybernetics, Enneagram, Astrology, Numerology, Tantra, Calling In the One, Grief Recovery, Eckhart Tolle, Yoga, Qi Gong, improv, most of the PAX/Alison Armstrong Curriculum as well as an assistant for that work and the Human Awareness Institute, Landmark Education, Coaches Training Institute, and Many More [sic]!!!!

Please excuse us while, as an office, we take a moment to learn Radical Forgiveness and Psycho-Cybernetics. We’ll be right back, at which point we’ll c0mmence to paying our rent.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

Even though we really wanted to, we did not manage to watch this movie over the three-day weekend.

FYI: Contrary to the above, it is Tuesday, not Monday. That’s right. And Wednesday will feel like Tuesday, and so on, with that pleasant four-day-week-it’s-going-so-fast glow, tempered by the anxiety of those who have no idea how they’re going to get it all done in time.

We’re lucky to have a three-day weekend (hooray for employment! crap that it’s already over!)—hence our chosen phrase for today.

The first image is a cartoon that first made us scratch our heads, second prompted us to wonder whether it was anti-Semitic, and third made us want to go skydiving at some point.

The second image revealed that 3-Day Weekend is the title of a low-budget gay feature. Who would have thunk it? It’s not clear whether it’s pornographic (and we didn’t watch it). It’s not rated and there’s a narrative storyline (it’s a drama), but in the list of IMDB “plot keywords” (a feature we’d never explored before), the first is “male frontal nudity.” Which we think more films should have. You’re probably wondering what the other keywords are. Here you go:

• Male Frontal Nudity
• Rural Setting
• Jealousy
• Kiss
• Hot Tub
• Male Rear Nudity (why is this one sixth?)
• Gay Relationship (so, male frontal nudity trumps the actual relationships? Maybe it is porn . . .)
• Gay Kiss
• Three-Word Title (wow, that’s a fascinating category)
• Breakup
• Rent Boy (that’s an unsarcastic fascinating category—what are they, and how can we get one? because it’s a boy that pays your rent for you, right?)
• Ménage à Trois
• House Party
• Group of Friends
• Yoga Instructor
• Gay Lead Character (come on—this far down?)
• Kissing
• Gay Couple
• Cabin
• Cabin In The Woods
• Marijuana
• Reference to MacGyver (okay, now we kinda want to see it)
• Gay Interest
• Infidelity
• Massage

If it were a porno, the title would more likely be 3-Way Weekend. Which, it turns out, is a (probably very high-quality) romance ebook as well as a mysterious movie. But our new as-yet-unwatched favorite, 3-Day Weekend, according to its DVD cover, has “LOTS OF SEX AND DRAMA!” (caps and exclamation point theirs). Plus lots of kudos from gay and lesbian film festivals, and the suggestive tagline “Start packing.” Hell, if we’d known about the movie before the three-day weekend ended, we might actually have watched it.

A staged Knock Knock brainstorming session. We’re no longer sure why we did this.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

Over the past nine years, we’ve become brainstormers extraordinaires. On any given day, we sit our bums down, throw back a margarita (or two . . . or three—or, really, none) and put on our thinking caps not only for product ideas and sales strategies but also (at least the other day) for additional creative brainstorming methods. Yes, you could say we are addicted to the storm.

Google option number 19, the German metal band Brainstorm.

Appropriately, the first image involves a light bulb (original right?). The second image is a bubble or mind map of “human expression and communication” (the latter seems almost prehistoric; it dates to 1999—before “human communication” evolved into texting, Facebooking, and Tweeting.)

One group picture caught our eye (it was the blood spatters): the German metal band Brainstorm (yes, they actually still showcase themselves on MySpace). According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the original meaning of “brainstorm” was “a violent transient fit of insanity.” So the name seems fitting. It’s all in the capitalization, though. While Brainstorm is an American band, BrainStorm is Latvian, and despite our patriotism, we found the latter’s songs to be much more meeting appropriate and, dare we say, catchy.

The outcome of a real Knock Knock brainstorming session—considerably messier than the staged one.

But we know you’re wondering what an actual Knock Knock brainstorm looks like. For some reason, on our server we seem to have a picture of a fake Knock Knock brainstorming session (shown at top), and only stumbled upon it when searching for the whiteboard chaos at left. (There are probably people in the office who know why it was taken, but it’s less fascinating if we ask them.) Isn’t the reenactment neat, meaning orderly? Real creativity is messy, however,  like our genuine whiteboard spew sessions. And yes, some of it is inappropriate. It wouldn’t be a Knock Knock brainstorm—in both senses of the word—otherwise.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

This isn’t the type of pep talk we hoped for.

Whether or not your weekend went wrong, you have a “case of the Mondays,” or just really regret having taken that last shot of Jägermeister on Sunday night, we could all use a good pep talk—or know someone who’s in need of one.

While our Pep Talk Nifty Note and Pep Talks & Picker-Uppers for All Occasions are quick fixes for much-needed uplift, we look to today’s Google Roulette Monday for virtual good vibrations.

Did you know that Stuart is Al Franken’s middle name? We didn't either.

The very first image is a hand-drawn cartoon from what seems to be an on-hiatus blog focused on drawing mathematics-related cartoons “inspired by Sharpie fumes.” While we appreciate the drawing’s simplicity, doing math and sniffing Sharpies does not sound appealing for any time of day (actually, we take that back; apparently Jen likes math and particularly loves sniffing Sharpies).

The best amusement we found (scrolling past gems like this and this), however, was a picture of Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley—ah, the rejuvenation and nostalgia! Just reflecting back on “Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley” made us instantly feel good enough, smart enough, and well liked by actual people. Frail though he may be under that awful blond wig, we sometimes wish that we had Stuart’s positive mindset—at least to take us as far as hump day.

Is this what they call “business casual?”

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning

We may have created the paper High Five, but here in the Knock Knock office, we don’t seem to give them out too much—neither paper nor flesh. It has to be a pretty special, exciting occasion for us to slap the hands, which is why the first Google “high five” result confuses us—is it not incredibly frigid and awkward, not to mention business-suited?

The Saturday Night Live star apparently likes bobcats.

For those reasons, we have little doubt that the founders of the National High Five Project (and progenitors of National High Five Day—and yes, both are very, very real) would frown on Google’s poor first choice.

Most likely they’d be happier with the second, Andy Samberg celebrating with what appears to be a baby bobcat, because high fives are supposed to be easy-going, loose, and fun, are they not? At least as easy-going, loose, and fun as the song created for National High Five Day (NH5D) by the Bo Dukes, which is so easy-going that the term “high” may have a double meaning.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

It’s hard not to be snarky about this man’s head.

People frequently describe Knock Knock’s voice as “snarky.” It’s not a description we like, because “snarky” has in its definition ill will, cynicism, and cattiness, and we try really hard not to be mean. Some folks believe the etymology to be a portmanteau of “snide” and “remark,” but this isn’t substantiated by the evidence.

Still others—including, apparently, Google Images—believe that the word derives from Lewis Carroll’s (you know him—he also wrote Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland) 1906 poem “The Hunting of the Snark,” which is too long for us to read on your behalf. From skimming it, however, we concluded that a “snark” is a make-believe creature who, among other characteristics, has a “fondness for bathing-machines,” and turns out in the end to be a “Boojum.” Our first Google Roulette image for “snark” is the poem’s first-edition book cover, an illustration of a sail labeled “Snark” (they hunted the elusive snark by boat) with an abnormally large-headed man clinging to the ship’s mast and clanging a bell.

So where, in fact, does the word “snark” come from? We’re certain we’d have a firm grasp on its etymology if we read David Denby’s entire book on the subject, Snark: It’s Mean, It’s Personal, and It’s Ruining Our Conversation, but the first Amazon review, coupled with all the other things we’d like to do with our lives, stopped us. The review stated that the book is a “fine example of false teleology; the author attempts to construct a chronology of a recent cultural episteme without full knowledge of its discursive history then, completely illogically, projects it back throughout time.” Sounds like a page turner, right?

In the end, the best explanation of the word that we were able to find quickly is this overview, in Google Answers, which links to many more legitimate sources. And that’s not just us being snarky.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

To kick off our first search, it’s only fitting that we should type in the names of our favorite pups (and Knock Knock mascots), Maisie and Paco.

Vaguely creepy, right?

1. Maisie

The first picture that popped up was an odd banner that read “Maisie” over the words “Parallel” and “Simulation.” Huh? It appears to have been created in Microsoft WordArt (that 1998 duo-color gradient isn’t from just anywhere). So apparently Maisie was a “C-based simulation language” used at UCLA. We may be geeks, but we don’t speak computer.

So we moved onto the next photo. At initial glance, the picture is innocent—just a boy holding what seems to be his newborn baby sister. But after digging a little deeper, we came to find that this thirteen-year-old boy from London was said to be the father of baby Maisie.

Most definitely creepy.Poor Paco.

2. Paco

This Marilyn Manson–meets–Mickey Mouse hybrid is terrifying. (Granted, it was still beautifully shot by Paco Peregrín, a high-profile Spanish fashion and art photographer.) We didn’t find the rest of the campaign from which this image derived, but that’s probably for the best.