It’s never too late to show mom you care. It’s also never too late to come clean on how the living room TV actually broke—blaming it on the dog still isn’t convincing.
Last-minute gifts just for her:
1. What I Love About You journal
2. I’m a Parent? Inner-Truth Journal
See more gift ideas dipped in sentiment in our Mother’s Day category.
In reality, getting ready to “tie the knot” feels more like a horrid game of Cat’s cradle. All those endless and crucial decisions—what color fondant should be used for the cake? What bridesmaid’s dress will look good on everyone? Where’s the invite list, and how do we distract granny from abusing the open bar? Ugh, it’s exhausting. Especially if you’re the friend helping plan all of it.
But don’t sweat the small stuff. We’re lightening your load with our Wedding Survival Kit. Click an item below to print and share with the wed-to-be!
• Instant Toasts for the bride or groom, straight from our Toasted Book.
• Release from Singlehood Certificate.
• Now that You’re Married Card (written in true Knock Knock fashion)
1. Instant Toasts for the bride or groom. No need to think too much about what you’re going to say. Fill in the blanks and voilá! It’ll be a cry fest for all (the good kind)!
Click the image to print an Instant Toast for the Bride.
Click the image to print an Instant Toast for the Bride.
2. Release from Singlehood Certificate. Since your friend is officially settling down, make sure they have it on paper for his or her records.
Click the image to print a Release from Singlehood Certificate.
3. Now that You’re Married Card. Print this out and check off all that apply for your pal. Single ladies and gents who want to get married some day, this checklist will lighten your wedding blues.
Click the image to print a Now that You're Married Card.
And as a last-minute wedding gift idea, throw in a 100 Reasons to Panic about Getting Married Book into the mix. It’ll really soothe their nerves!
100 Reasons to Panic about Getting Married by Knock Knock
You’re familiar with our mighty signature line, but did you know we also create custom goods, too? Since 2007, we’ve worked ever so closely with a variety of brands to design products that fit a retailer’s specific customer need and overall style. Of course, all our custom stuff is sprinkled with Knock Knock flair, as well as our distinct design sensibility and wit. We’re excited to share these products with you and hope you like them!
Hand-Lettered Hey Asshole Pad
Our Hand-Lettered Hey Asshole Pad for Urban Outfitters.
Close-up of hand-written wit.
No matter how hard you kill people with kindness, there’s always going to be that schmuck who knows exactly how to push your buttons. But if you do find yourself in a spat, take the high road and turn it into a paper trail with our Hand-Lettered Hey Asshole Pad for Urban Outfitters.
Illustrator Kate Bingaman Burt added a whimsy touch to our original Hey Asshole Pad with this custom version, and we like to think of it as a nicer, readable slap on the wrist. Just tear off a sheet, check off exactly how you feel, and let them literally take note of your angst. And hopefully you’ll never have to see their face ever again!
Get them while you can for yourself or for a friend at UrbanOutfitters.com or at the nearest Urban Outfitters store.
Shakespeare may have written the most romantic stanzas to date, but you’re the only person who can pen how much you swoon when your beau remembers to DVR your favorite show twelve minutes before it starts. Now that’s true love.
Make Valentine’s Day (and really, any day) extra special by giving your sweetheart the What I Love About You journal. This mini journal contains fill-in-the-blank lines for you to scribble some aspect of your affection for your beloved—so be as specific, quirky, or romantic as you like!
Since these babies have already been flying off our virtual shelves (over 17,000 copies already sold, to be exact), we created a video short to express our love (for this item, yes). Prepare to have your heart warmed:
The What I Love About You journal.
So, what do you love about your main squeeze? Tell us in a blog comment!
We know your presence at work is already a gift in itself. But here are items to help your coworkers survive the workday, even when you’re not there:
1. Blah, Blah, Blah Sticky Note, $3.00
2. Hey Asshole Pad, $6.50
3. Utility Task Clips, $9.00
4. Get Crap Done Pen, $14.00
5. 5 Days a Week Paper Mousepad, $10.00
6. WTF Desktop Pad, $10.00
See all our gift guides here.
Introducing our new book, "Toasted: The Civilized (and Uncivilized) Guide to Raising Your Glass"!
Hear ye, hear ye.
We would like to propose a toast . . . to toasting! This ancient practice is not only one of mankind’s all-time greatest excuses for drinking, it’s also the subject of our newest book, Toasted: The Civilized (and Uncivilized) Guide to Raising Your Glass.
I absolutely loved working on this book. Not only did it reaffirm my faith in drinking, it actually confirmed my love of humanity. (It’s notable how intertwined these are for me.)
One of our design and editorial inspirations for this book was the "Miss Manners" series.
There are already several good toasting books on the market. But we knew we wanted to do something different, something Knock Knocky. Yes, we planned to provide etiquette, classic toasts, and guidelines for toasting structure. But the abiding sentiments behind the book’s creation were pro-drinking, pro-funny, and pro-messy humanity. The idea was to make people laugh even as we imparted the do’s, don’ts, and I-dare-you’s of toasting. I think we accomplished this goal—and then some.
We did a good deal of brainstorming to devise the book’s sections. We planned a section of toasts for life’s more awkward occasions, such as job losses, breakups, completion of 12-step programs, etc. We also decided to include tips on how to fake a great toast if you’re shy or lazy. And we got really excited about a “Mad Libs”-style section of fill-in-the-blank instant toasts. (They’re even perforated, so you can tear them out.) We also chose the fourteen most important occasions for toasting (wedding, funeral, dinner party, etc.) and devoted a whole spread to each one.
An earlier draft of the book's cover—one of many. Our former senior designer Brad Serum designed "Toasted" using illustrations with both a vintage and proper etiquette-esque feel.
I suspected (correctly) that all this material would be fun to research and write. But we also felt it was important to briefly cover the history of toasting—a task that seemed comparatively dry, so to speak, at the outset. You can imagine my shock and delight to learn that the history of toasting is beyond fascinating. The truth is, toasting goes back nearly as far as drinking itself, and it has mystical, esoteric roots. (Even now, you can see this aspect at play in such sacraments as the Holy Eucharist.) I discovered the works of numerous academics who study the history or alcohol and toasting, including biomolecular archaeologist Patrick E. McGovern. (His book Uncorking the Past: The Quest for Wine, Beer, and Other Alcoholic Beverages is so beautiful in parts, it brought tears to my eyes.) I learned about toasting’s integral role in the American Revolution. The book also includes a poem/toast composed by an American prisoner in the “Hanoi Hilton” which has become a traditional toast to POW/MIA soldiers used at Air Force dinners. (Its writer, Navy Captain Gerald Coffee, gave us his blessing and made sure we got the wording exactly right, since many bastardized versions are floating around on the Internet.)
To continue the historical fun, we also researched how to make authentic versions of old-timey drinks such as wassail and 1775 rum punch, and amusing international customs and regional drinks. We also found loads of funny real-life historical toasts, and witty toasts from the silver screen.
In sum, Toasted embraces toasting in all its awkward, human glory—because it’s about much more than knowing when to raise your glass. And heaven knows, a “bad” toast can be damned memorable (as many toasters may attest, including some US presidents). We hope this knowledge will free you, the reader, from stage fright, and even help you enjoy this most essential of human rituals. After all, since toasting has a long, rich, and incredibly drunken history, what’s one more messed-up toast on the historic pile?
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Terrible Toast Giveaway: Win Your Own Copy of “Toasted”!
This contest is now closed.
It’s wedding season—a time when levels of blissfulness and schadenfreude peak simultaneously. Have you witnessed any tips-the-awkward-scale toasts lately? Or have you delivered any yourself? Well, we want to read them (out of sheer enjoyment).
We’re giving away a copy of our brand new Toasted book and $25 worth of Knock Knock stuff to one lucky FOKKer, who submits the best god-awful toast! (Note: it doesn’t have to be a wedding toast.)
To enter:
1. Read this contest’s Official Rules page.
2. Submit one story of a terrible toast you witnessed or recited personally to blog@knockknockstuff.com. The submission must be a minimum of 100 words and not exceed 200 words. Also, please include your first name, age, hometown, and email address with your entry.
This contest ends Friday, July 20 at 11:59 p.m. PST. Submit before then, peeps!
. . . Cheers!
First off, we want to congratulate the graduating class of 2012! Drink champagne (sparkling apple cider for the underage), and reminisce about the past four years. Make sure to play Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen)” on repeat.
For the gift-givers: finding an original present for new graduates can be as tough as the current job market. We get it. Sure, you can slap a cap and tassel on a teddy bear and call it a day, but that cuteness will wear off.
Instead, how about reassuring him or her that life after crossing the stage isn’t so bad? It can actually be pretty great. (However, the amount of douchebags you encounter daily is much more apparent.)
Here are a few items to assist in his or her solace:
1. Deal With This Stamp. This stamp shows who’s boss, especially when its owner’s timid ‘tude is in need of a boost of confidence.
2. Hey Asshole Pad. A pad for the workplace. He or she will soon understand the true meaning of “asshole.”
3. Travel Log and Pack This! Pad. Life after graduation is all about backpacking through new places and confronting new endeavors. These aids won’t assist in “finding” oneself, but at least he or she can make detailed notes on the trip and won’t forget to pack an extra pair of underwear.
4. Pro/Con Journal. Now is the time for him or her to make meaningful decisions. Present this to the giftee with a welcome sign pointing to the real world.
5. Corporate Flashcards. To prep for the white-collar worker’s first day on the job. Huzzah!
For more ideas, check out our “Grads” section on our site!
Only a few days left to find a gift she’ll actually use.
Check out our Mother’s Day section, or read gift ideas for every type of mother in your life.
Get to shoppin’, peeps and procrastinators!
The woman that birthed you deserves much more than dry macaroni art and her favorite perfume for the third year in a row. Instead, get her something that encapsulates eons of practicality. We’re sure these items would fit any type of mother in your life.
1. In My Humble Opinion Mini Inner-Truth Journal. We know you love mommy dearest even if she tends to constantly criticize you. How about giving her another medium to channel her judgments—a journal, perhaps? This handy, fits-in-your-purse journal is perfect for those summer days relaxing by the water. If she slides on the optimistic side, our I’m A Parent? Guided Journal helps too.
2. Coupons Receiptables. What would we do without mothers who still send their now-adult children coupons for items that can easily be purchased at the dollar store, like minted toothpaste or cans of albacore tuna? How wonderfully sweet are these types of moms? Surprise her in return with Coupons Receiptables, so she can keep track of her own savvy-saving stash.
3. 5 Days A Week Paper Mousepad. Everyone needs at least a dab of organization in his or her life. The on-the-go mom needs a boatload. This mousepad can help her systematize her crazy schedule and free up some time for much-needed mother and child bonding. Be sure to pencil in a dinner and ice cream get-together!
4. What to Eat Pad or Pack This! Pad. Both of these pads take planning to the next level, and god knows your sister or sister-in-law is in dire need of R and R. (Have you seen her without the tykes around? Didn’t think so.) Let her plan family meals ahead of time with the What to Eat Pad or give her the Pack This! Pad to prep for those oh-so-fun family trips. (Or, offer to babysit your nieces and nephews? Eh.)
5. How to Traumatize Your Children. For added effect, tell her you can’t believe Knock Knock created a book based on her solid parenting skills.
And if all fails, get her an Office Speak Rotating Stamp. Why? Because Real Simple said it’s one of the “best gifts” for mom. And they seem to know their stuff.
The most accurate guesser will win $30 worth of Knock Knock stuff.
We had a few boxes full of rare Knock Knock Fucked Up Pill Erasers* lying around the office. In an effort to give them purpose, we stashed the pills in a massive jar for this month’s blog contest.
So, how many pills do you think are in this fine-looking jar?
Tell us your guess and the person who’s the closest will receive $30 worth of Knock Knock stuff of their choice. We chose $30 since it’s the third month of the year. Imagine that.
To enter:
Post your guess in the comments section of this blog post or email blog@knockknockstuff.com with your answer by 6 p.m. on Tuesday, 3/20. Only one guess per person!
If multiple people have the correct answer, the winner will be chosen at random.
The winner will be announced at the end of March. May the odds be ever in your favor . . . and the even numbers too.
*The story and mystique behind this defunct product is meant for a future blog post. But don’t fret, we’ll share it with you in due time.