You’re familiar with our mighty signature line, but did you know we also create custom goods, too? Since 2007, we’ve worked ever so closely with a variety of brands to design products that fit a retailer’s specific customer need and overall style. Of course, all our custom stuff is sprinkled with Knock Knock flair, as well as our distinct design sensibility and wit. We’re excited to share these products with you and hope you like them!

Hand-Lettered Hey Asshole Pad

Our Hand-Lettered Hey Asshole Pad for Urban Outfitters.

Close-up of hand-written wit.

No matter how hard you kill people with kindness, there’s always going to be that schmuck who knows exactly how to push your buttons. But if you do find yourself in a spat, take the high road and turn it into a paper trail with our Hand-Lettered Hey Asshole Pad for Urban Outfitters.

Illustrator Kate Bingaman Burt added a whimsy touch to our original Hey Asshole Pad with this custom version, and we like to think of it as a nicer, readable slap on the wrist. Just tear off a sheet, check off exactly how you feel, and let them literally take note of your angst. And hopefully you’ll never have to see their face ever again!

Get them while you can for yourself or for a friend at UrbanOutfitters.com or at the nearest Urban Outfitters store.

Who's your valentine?

Who’s ready for cupcakes iced with heart-shaped sprinkles, catchy crooners on repeat, and pink and red-colored overkill? It’s almost February 14th and whether you love or loathe it, you can’t hide from it. Time’s a-ticking to find amusing gifts for the people you love in your life.

It’s exhausting. We know.

Thankfully we’ve laid out last-minute gift ideas so you can wipe that sweat off your brow. (Yes, you’ve almost got it—a little to the right—there.)

We’ve broken it down by category, so choose your love:

I. Anyone. Sure, you could send out foiled valentines, but our Love Notes Greeting Cards gives off just the right amount of “like” for platonic relationships everywhere. Plus, you can customize each card by checking off exactly how you feel.

Love Notes Greetings Cards for all.

II. Significant other(s). Give a sweet to your sweet with our Proof That I Love You Chocolate Bar or I Love You Very Very Much Chocolate Bar. Didn’t know Knock Knock made chocolate bars? We hope you were sitting down.

They'll see the proof.

Also, our Vouchers for Lovers is the coupon book that keeps giving—twenty times! If you’re strapped for cash, this booklet covers his or her future birthdays for a year or two. (Technically, our Why I Must Have Sex With You Pad is also a gift that keeps giving—sixty times!)

A look into our Vouchers for Lovers (for the romantics).

III. The kids. You would do anything for them, so why not cultivate their creativity? Our I’m An Artist Pad is for the budding Picasso (armed with crayons) and any child that loves to doodle. (PS It’s red, so it’s immediately Valentine’s Day-related.)

Hang their sheets on the fridge when they're finished!

IV. A crush. Isn’t there a common saying that the way to a person’s heart is making him or her slap their knee while laughing up unintended snorts? If so, giving them A Year of Fortunes (Without the Cookies) is a must. We can’t emphasize that enough. With each perforated fortune, they can tear, share, and perhaps write their number on it?

If you want your crush to crack a smile, give him or her this book.

V. Myself. Let’s be real. We knew from the get-go that Carly Simon was singing that song about us. She didn’t have to ask us twice. And we also know you can’t really love anyone until you love yourself (and that you can’t sidestep clichés when you talk about self-worth). So treat yourself with our Self-Help Smorgasbord. It’ll keep you back on track with self-supporting goals that you promised at the beginning of the year. (These were called resolutions, or something like that, right?)

Inside our Self-Help Smorgasbord. Treat yourself.

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve teamed up with one of our favorite design companies, Blik, to host two love-inspired giveaways (one ran yesterday and one today). If you’re not familiar with our inventive friends at Blik (they were the first in the world to create removable wall graphics!), kindly check them out on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and see their designs. They are truly rad, fab, and good-natured FOKKers.

Today’s contest: What’s your best falling-in-love story?

Yesterday, we asked you to submit your worst breakup tale. It was oh-so trying, delving through all the heartache. Now, we want to shake-off our bleak chord and need those who have been hit by cupid’s arrow to help us rejuvenate our hope in romance.

So pull at our heartstrings. No, really, please do. Your buddies at Blik and Knock Knock will reward the best aw-shucks-tear-jerking anecdote with a bundle of love, which includes:

• Blik’s Untitled Heart Wall Decal
• Vouchers for Lovers
• Pickups and Come-Ons for All Occasions
• 100 Hugs Tickets
• Why I Really Like You Pad
• Sweet Nothings Sticky Notes

Behold the prize. Leave your story on Blik's blog post and you could receive all of this stuff in return.

To enter:

• Go to Blik’s blog post (not our blog post) and leave a comment with your best falling-in-love story. (U.S. and Canada peeps only.)
• All comments must be posted by 11:59 p.m. PST today.

Remember, “Choose your love, then love your choice.” (p. 52) (Cliché and Platitudes for All Occasions always hits it on-target.)

Check out the winners of both giveaways tomorrow, 2/2!

In honor of Valentine’s Day, we’ve teamed up with one of our favorite design companies, Blik, to host two love-inspired giveaways (one today and one tomorrow). If you’re not familiar with our inventive friends at Blik (they were the first in the world to create removable wall graphics!), kindly check them out on Facebook, follow them on Twitter, and see their designs. They are truly both rad, fab, and good-natured FOKKers.

Today’s contest: What’s your worst breakup story? Contest is now closed.

Love hurts. We know.

The pangs of a broken heart can make you eat your feelings in stale snack cakes, curse e. e. cummings, and have “Always Be My Baby” by Mariah Carey on repeat.

But let your friends at Blik and Knock Knock be your shoulder to cry on (sans the physical shoulder). Share your worst breakup tale with us and you could win a heart-mending bundle that includes:

• Blik’s Heart Breakout Wall Decal
• Breakups and Rejections for All Occasions
• Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off Pad
• Rate-a-Date Pad
• Thanks for Being Stamp

Behold the prize. Tell us your story and you could receive all of this stuff in return.

To enter:

• In this post’s comment section below, tell us your worst, heartrending breakup story. (U.S. and Canada peeps only.)
• All comments must be posted by 11:59 p.m. PST today.

. . . And just so you know, “You’re better off.” (p. 68) (Thanks, Pep Talks and Picker-Uppers!)

Congratulations to our winner, Dawn Taylor!

Having to live with your ex-fiancé for a whole year after he broke up with you via text? Rough roads. We hope your prize bundle helps!

And a hearty thank you to everyone who participated! Picking a winner was tough and it seems all of your exes deserve Hey Asshole sheets!

Ah, Friday—finally. Other than being the first in line to watch Beauty and the Beast in 3D tonight, we don’t really have any big plans. We may jot a bit in our I’m Going to Die Journal or thumb through our Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You or name more of our products that associate with fear because it’s the thirteenth, peeps! Time to put that Paper Voodoo Pad to use.

We even tweaked our typical to-do list, just for today:

Are you following any superstitions today? Or do you follow any on a daily basis? Tell us in a comment below!

We’re number one fans of our fans. (We’re sure you know how much you contribute to our existence.) So we want to thank you all with a column dedicated to you: “FOKKer Fridays”! Once a month, we will be featuring a certain FOKKer and their Knock Knock stuff-related stories.

I received this message from Megan right before the holidays. She took time out of her busy day (she’s a full-time college student and her dorm’s resident assistant) to write this:

“Here’s how I use my Knock Knock products. Now I’m quite thrifty, but your products are always well worth it and a great investment for how much use I get out of them. Thanks for making my job easier!” But, our heart really melted when she called us the “bee’s knees.” We think you’re the bee’s knees as well, Megan!

Megan with her filled-out Pep Talk Nifty Note and 100 Hug Tickets.

Name: Megan House

Location: Portland, Oregon.

Favorite Knock Knock Product? My favorite product is the Pep Talk Nifty Note because it’s just so darn useful. Who couldn’t use a note telling them why they’re beautiful people or how things will be okay? I also love the Vouchers. I know they’re meant to be given as a set, but I also like giving them out individually to friends (maybe even with a Pep Talk!).

Why thank you for the note, Dr. House! We also wonder what map that is in the background.

Knock Knock Story Time: I give my Pep Talks to residents all the time! I can’t always solve their problems for them, but the notes help them to see how they are capable of handling their problems and that I’m here to support them and give them all the hugs they need. =) They’ve been especially useful this week, what with finals and all. (See, right before the holidays.)

A Just Thought You Should Know Sticky from one of Megan's residents. Too precious.

We hope they also enjoy the “pep talks” come spring finals!

For our weekly “In It for the Money” feature, we’ll be introducing you to the kick-ass Knock Knockers who make everything go, from creative to sales to logistics to . . . everything! Note—everybody answers the first five questions. After that, they have about fifteen wild-card questions from which to choose.

"Hello" from my office! And yes, I do talk with my hands. Once a businessman, always a businessman.

1. Name and title? Jim Papscoe, chief operating officer.

2. Originally from? Teaneck, New Jersey.

3. What the hell do you do all day? I am essentially responsible for the day-to-day business activities at Knock Knock, with a heavy emphasis on profitability for the company. I’m involved with all of our departments daily and usually learn something new every day, which makes the job enjoyable and challenging!

4. Favorite thing about working at Knock Knock? Our products. When I interviewed with our head honcho, back in the summer of 2006, one of the first things I told her was that I believe “product is king.” Knock Knock’s product line embodies that belief in its original and recognizable design aesthetic, as well as the unique voice that only Knock Knock can pull off. The people are awesome as well!

5. Favorite hobbies outside work? My family. I have an amazing wife of eight years and two beautiful boys, ages six and four. They are my life and my primary hobby, but I sure like to play an occasional round of golf with my buddies. Oh yeah, and my annual “John Doe” bachelor-party trip to Vegas with my high school buddies doesn’t suck either.

6. Did your professional life exist before Knock Knock? Yes, it did. I worked in the toy industry from 1994–2006, before joining Knock Knock in August 2006. I worked at Mattel and Emak Worldwide, which gave me an incredible training ground to come in and make a positive contribution in the company’s growth.

7. Favorite Knock Knock product? The Health Log. I like to consider myself a somewhat consistent runner and love to keep track of all my runs, which consists of the time of day, how I felt, my overall time, individual mile times, and my weight (usually only measured once or twice a month). At the office, I use our Paper Mousepads daily for quick notes and/or quick thoughts.

Me and my boys' golf clubs neatly in a row. One day we'll use it on the Champions Tour. One day.

8. Pet peeves? I actually don’t have too many of these, but it really drives me nuts when people chew with their mouths open, chomp on gum, and suck their teeth. I mean, come on—show some manners here, people! Maybe we should introduce a “Mouth Violation” or “Unnecessary Orifice Obscenities” Nifty Note for these peeps.

9. Favorite TV show? The Deadliest Catch. I cannot wait for the new seasons to begin—whether it’s King Crab or Opilio, it doesn’t matter to me. These fishermen literally risk it all to hit the big catch; talk about risk/reward—this show covers it. I love the anticipation of the fishermen anxiously waiting twenty-four hours for crab pots to soak and then watching them pull up either an empty or full pot. It’s something crazy, like $5,000 per crab pot. And if they come up empty, they spend another twenty-four hours or more pulling empty pots, only to try it again. It should be noted that they face twenty-plus feet seas in blizzard conditions and work twenty-four hours or more shifts frequently. Absolutely insane, but good watching from the warm couch!

10. Interesting factoid no one would know about you from first glance? I had a very fortunate upbringing, as I had the opportunity to live in foreign countries and travel the world with my family. My dad worked in finance at General Motors (GM) for thirty-five years and started his career in New York City (hence, the birth in New Jersey). When I was six years old, we moved to Europe and lived in Antwerp, London, Frankfurt, and Rome. Then, when I was fourteen years old, we moved to a suburb of Detroit, where I went to high school and onto college.

During my college years, my dad got transferred to Bangkok for four years, then to Manila for another two years. As a dependent, I traveled to Bangkok twice a year for four years on GM’s dime and took advantage of visiting numerous Asian cities as well as Australia. What an amazing experience, looking back on it!

11. If you were granted one wish, what would it be? To make the Senior PGA Tour and have my sons rotate as caddies (after college, of course). I would make some serious coin; we’d travel the world, experience new cultures, be outdoors, and enjoy life to the fullest. Ahhh . . . (Note the picture.)

12. Favorite place to sit back and relax? I love to go to the beach with the family, have a picnic, fly kites, and go swimming. My boys are just old enough where they’ll hang along the ocean’s edge by themselves (and still supervised, of course) letting my wife and I to just hang out and enjoy the day. I’m not a surfer, but I sure enjoy bodysurfing and boogie boarding, and look forward to teaching my boys as well!

Can you believe Hanukkah starts tomorrow and Christmas is only five days away? In fact, we’re getting ready to wrap up wrapping presents and wanted to finish off this series by sharing what a few of our own Knock Knockers will be giving to the special people in their lives:

1. “I’m buying my girlfriend the Passive-Aggressive Nifty Note because her in-person passive-aggression leaves me wanting more.” –Paul, operations associate

A word of advice to the guys: never iron your girlfriend's behind.

2. “I’m going to get myself the Intervention Pad because (a) why buy other people gifts when you can get something for yourself; and (b) I could use a few good slaps in the face, and I’m just the one to do it.” –Jen, head honcho

Even this lady agrees.

3. “I am giving my eighteen-year-old nephew, who is a freshman in college, the Takeout Menu Organizer in order to help organize his messy dorm room. I’m also going to throw in some WTF and DUH sticky notes for him to send ‘friendly’ reminders to his dorm-mates and buddies. He’ll also think his uncle is pretty cool and hip!” –Jim, COO

If we were Jim's nephew, we'd raise a glass (of sparking cider, of course) for this gift. "Thanks, Uncle Jim!"

4. “I just gave the I’m A Parent? guided journal and the Parenting Flashcards to my nephew and his wife, who are expecting my great-nephew (and I’m sure he’ll be a great great-nephew) in a few weeks. Couldn’t wait until Christmas—Baby Boy Butler could be here by then and they need to know these terms NOW!” –Jamie, writer and editor

We're sure the happy couple smiled when they received their presents!

Whether you’re (willingly) gifting colleagues or (unwillingly) participating in an all-office White Elephant exchange, finding presents for your coworkers can be a tricky trek. You want your presents to stay within the boundaries of appropriateness while still bending the lines of originality. And let’s face it, as much as we love the workmate who gives that digital clock-embedded travel mug for the third year in a row, it’s time for you to earn extra cool points and break the mundane, office gift-giving routine.

Lucky for you, you can use the code “5BUCKS” at checkout to chop $5 off your orders from now until 12/22/11.

And don’t forget to offer the recipient a swig of your hidden desk flask when you give your presents (well, disregarding the first person):

1. The Stress-Inducing, Always Unsettling, Overbearing Boss. You’re the go-getter who loves to be kept on their toes, but your supervisor expects you to perform professional pointe work all the time. Counter that by giving the boss-man or woman something to channel their inner control freak, yet won’t make you look like a complete brownnoser. Our 5 Days a Week Paper Mousepad or Deal With This Stamp would be a good fit. Plus, he or she will be too busy utilizing their new scheduling and stamping tools that they won’t realize it was actually you who ate their sandwich from the fridge last Tuesday.

Convert their scrutinizing look into stamped form.

2. The “Thank God You Work Here” Office-mate. At the end of the workweek, he or she shares the remnants of your sanity when you feel like there are only fragments of it left. Treat your work buddy to a drink with our Why I Must Get Drunk With You Pad. Our In My Humble Opinion Inner-Truth Journal can also be their safe haven for workday venting.

You would be a master clock-watcher without this person around the office.

3. The Intern that Actually Does Stuff. Oh, to be young, doe-eyed, and willing to work for free again. Your favorite, hard-working intern deserves a token of your appreciation, don’t you think? Our Corporate Flashcards will impart very true yet trivial business jargon, which they can then take with them on their next—hopefully paid—endeavor. Also, give them a While You Were Sticky Note, so they can be sure to let the lazy ones in the office know that they missed another phone call while they were out “getting a coffee” at the neighborhood pub.

Pay your intern with kindness from your heart and Knock Knock Corporate Flashcards. And also, don't ever have an intern shine your shoes.

4. The Basketcase with Tenure. Everyone understands that this person lost his or her marbles years and years ago. But said person has grown on you and you can’t help but find their senile tendencies somewhat charming. (Plus, they’ve outlasted almost everyone else in the company so far—they must be doing something right!) Our My Dysfunctions Journal would be a perfect present for them to sort out their issues, whether they choose to face it head-on or not. And, as always, our Workday Recovery Kit can help bandage up years and years of workplace exhaustion (however, it does not help carpal tunnel).

He or she has been at the company the longest. You would go crazy too.

Our most popular $11 item: Flashcards. Slang, Foodie, Parenting, and Corporate.

First and foremost, it’s Veteran’s Day, so we’re keeping the soldiers in our minds. (We were also going to say hearts, but didn’t want to come off as too cheeseball on a Friday.) Furthermore, there’s so much going on today elsewhere, we feel like we should have that “How Bizarre” by OMC song on blast.

According to this Washington Post article, people are going completely bananas because it’s 11/11/11. Plenty of couples are tying the knot (we can expect lots of newborns come August), metal fans will turn their amps up to eleven (a la This Is Spinal Tap), nerds are celebrating binary code, and a massive number of clever-thinking writers are overusing “one” puns.

But we get it. We’re not very superstitious here at Knock Knock, however, since this day only happens once in a century, you can’t help but jump on the bandwagon and feel a tad numerological.

Our second most popular $11 item: How to Traumatize Your Children.

For instance, it is a bit odd that we have three types of items that cost $11 on our website. Could the three categories represent the day, month, and year, perhaps? Is this a coincidence, or did our sales team actually plan this all along because they are secretly hyped up for this very day? (We’re sure it’s the former.)

Here are the items that are $11: (In order of popularity, via Google Analytics.)

1. Flashcards. Our variety of flashcards caters to the diction-hungry people who know a cunning gift when they see one. As you may guess, our Slang Flashcards are the token favorite, but the people getting hitched on this date should really start thinking about investing in our Parenting Flashcards.

2. How to Traumatize Your Children. Could this be, again, in relation to the couples getting married today? Does this book foreshadow their future?!

Our third most popular $11 item: the Paper Mousepad.

3. Paper Mousepads. The 5 Days a Week Paper Mousepad trumps the Information Central Paper Mousepad in popularity. They keep you on track nonetheless.

Allow this $11-$11-$11 happenstance marinate in your heads. Lastly, FOKKers, we didn’t get the day off. So, those with a three-day weekend, enjoy it!