Like a brace-faced adolescent being asked to junior prom, we felt a heightened sense of elation when this postcard came in the mail a few months ago. Our head honcho Jen said herself that it’s one of her favorite customer correspondences ever. She really did use “ever”—and for good reason: (Go on, read it.)

I really wanted to use this post to give a personal thank you right back to this friend of Knock Knock, since it made us feel all warm and bubbly inside. All the jadedness in the world couldn’t dent the gratitude we have for our customers, even if he or she makes grammatical person, punctuation, and spelling errors in their messages (who would we be if we didn’t notice that as well?).

Unfortunately, he or she left out a name. Anyways, here’s my attempt at a thank you in return for his or her thank you:

Dear Bronx, (We decided to call you “Bronx”, since Bronx, New York is the closest characteristic of your persona that we can grasp—other than the fact that you might be a borderline-nihilist, which is possibly a good thing in our book.)

Thank you for your lovely, handwritten postcard. We are so grateful to have fans like you who help us pay “for rent and all the other protections needed against those ghastly natives.” What can we say? Sometimes even the Venice-born, dog-loving, bike-riding, orgaddict (that’s a combined word for “organic addict,” which our marketing and digital coordinator just made up) surfer can be intimidating.

And we also know how it feels to be misunderstood. Do you know how many people mistake our banter for snarkiness? We wouldn’t be able to keep track, even if we put our twenty-five pairs of hands together to keep count. (That’s 250 < people who mistake Knock Knock as being pure snark—in layman’s terms.) But still, we are what we are, and you are what you are. We’re just happy to fold laughter into what you call “The Joke” itself.

Also, thanks for your suggestion. Perhaps we could use that quick one-liner if we ever update our Insults & Comebacks for All Occasions book . . . Or if we’re ever confronted by frienemies in a battle of verbiage (a follow-up snap would be necessary in this case). Furthermore, we wonder what your colleague-relationship is with this said “cop.” Are you also a cop? Or are you maybe a gumshoe? Because having a Knock Knock fan working undercover would be oh-so-rad.

Thanks again and hopefully you will allow us to call you our “peep” from Bronx in return.

Sincerely,

The Knock Knock Team

Case in point: Friends, you are wonderful. Keep the snail mail coming and you could see it on our blog!

The other day, our manufacturing coordinator Chelsea and our graphic designer Alexis spent a few hours in Irvine, California to help oversee the printing of our beloved Spring 2012 catalog at LT Litho & Digital. The catalog was in the works since mid-August, so it was a feat to see it in its final form.

The board that adjusts the colors. It had to be perfect.

Chelsea said it was easy to "lose track of time when you have those big, loud, totally distracting machines going all around you!" This is beautiful nonetheless.

Top: Our ballots. Bottom: Designer Alexis choosing her favorites (note the savvy hand placement, preventing others from eaveslooking).

First we’d like to thank the Academy. But a close second goes out to every single Knock Knock fan who submitted an idea. Like your kindergarten teacher said,  you’re all winners in our book. (Take note: that’s how you get at least two clichés in one short paragraph.)

This was the first time we reached out to civilians for creative fodder, and it proved much harder than we’d anticipated to select the winning concept. We decided to let democracy rule: we took an all-company vote (incentivized with milk and cookies) for the top three. After putting everything in an Excel spreadsheet to calculate the exact mathematical rankings, the idea with the highest average won.

Drumroll . . .

The winner of our Sticky Note contest is . . .

Rebecca Osmolski!

Here’s her idea:

Title: Seriously?

Rebecca’s Description: Along the lines of the WTF and DUH Sticky Notes, you could have one that says “SERIOUSLY” (all caps or not, I don’t think it matters). I say that word all the time, whether as a question of “Why would you do that?” (“Seriously?”) or like “WTF” (“Seriously?!?”), or even when you’re just downright serious (“Seriously!”). This sticky note would be perfect for all occasions!

Please note that there were two ideas similar to the Rebacca’s: “SRSLY?” and “Seriously?” Regarding the first, our team opted for the spelled-out version instead. And the latter’s entry didn’t include a description, so according to the rules it was disqualified.

Second place goes to . . .

Katharine Chen!

Title: I’ve Borrowed . . .

Katharine’s Description: Have it say “Thank you, I’ve Borrowed . . .” and have checkboxes next to standard office supplies, like pencil, pen, lunch money, stapler, tape gun, umbrella, chair, highlighter, ruler, scissors.

Third place goes to . . .

Danielle Howland!

Title: Parents’ notes to kids

Danielle’s Description: Preschool and school-age sticky notes for lunchboxes or agendas. I am a mom who’s always writing on little blank sticky notes and surprising my kids in their lunchboxes or agendas. This would be a quick way to do so, with notes such as: “I love you,” “Have a great day,” “I know you’ll do great on your test,” “I’ll pick you up,” “I’ll be picking you up early,” and “Remember to go home with _________ .”

Although the above winners will receive tangible prizes, we do have a few honorable mentions that we’d like to acknowledge with virtual high-fives:

Congrats to our winners: Rebecca, Katharine, and Danielle!

1. Kristen’s idea came in fourth (Kristen, we appreciated your doodles!):

Title: Doodle Here

Kristen’s Description: A sticky note that looks like the back of an envelope. Because who hasn’t doodled on the back on an envelope when talking on the phone?

2. Angela Marron’s idea came in fifth (and Angela, your voice is oh-so Knock Knock):

Title: The Deets

Angela’s Description: With checkboxes for importance and a box at the bottom for “More Deets to Follow.” This is born out of watching kids’ shows and hearing the phrase, “I’ll text you with the ‘deets’” ten times a day.

And lastly, a few entries went above and beyond what we asked for—they designed prototypes! God, you’re all so cool.

1. Janine Kamouh’s idea

Title: Operation Dessert Storm

Janine’s Description: This is a fun sticky note for work or home when you get a late-night craving and want to summon a roommate in a funny way. My younger sister and I have been referring to our late-night snack runs as Operation Dessert Storm for years. It’s time the rest of the world got in on the mission! Sweets evoke a battle of willpower. Let the war begin!

2. Laura Stewart’s idea

Title: Make Up Your Mind

3. Nicki Pepple’s idea

Title:  Day Drinking?

4. Nicole Boesen Myszka’s idea (note: this was Paco and Maisie’s favorite, though they didn’t see the necessity for it because they think it should be patently clear)

Title: My Dog Thinks

5. Nikki Brown’s idea

Title: You Forgot

Yo. Thank you, all. This was an amazingly fun project for us folks at Knock Knock. We hope you all had fun, too. Congrats to all of the winners—we’ll be in touch soon!

Aw, so sweet that one sister inspired another to get something as unique as a chalkboard! But I think that “quinoa” listing is just for show.

I still kind of think that my grandma buys all the Knock Knock products that sell. Never mind that she’s ninety and doesn’t really leave her assisted-living apartment too much anymore. Whenever somebody tells me they bought a Knock Knock product before I met them I’m always inappropriately tickled.

So imagine how good it feels to see Knock Knock as unplanned set dressing or in press on someone’s house! Really good. I say “unplanned” set dressing because we are frequently approached by television shows about including product in some shot or another. When I know it’s going to be there, it’s not quite as exciting (though still very cool). As a matter of fact, I signed a release to allow Intimidations and Ultimatums for All Occasions to be on The Real Housewives of New Jersey this season (and let me tell you, I’m a big fan—of all the Housewives shows except Miami, actually, and I’m pretty much over Atlanta). The release doesn’t guarantee they’ll use it, just that they can, and since it didn’t appear on the other night’s finale, I’m sorely disappointed. I mean, Terese Giudice pulling from our book? Knock Knock me over with a feather.

Yesterday I was perusing People (I’ve subscribed since I was in college—in fact, my grandma originally got me the subscription and paid for it for years), and what should I see but our All Out Of Pad on Tia Mowry’s kitchen chalkboard? Ah, sweet frisson. And especially considering that the season finale of Tia & Tamera “outshine[d] [its] record-breaking premiere and ranks as the Style Network’s most-watched original series ever” (italics mine).

On second thought, maybe Terese Giudice doesn’t need Intimidations and Ultimatums for All Occasions.

The other two sightings I remember particularly well were also both All Out Of (which, by the way, is our bestselling product of all time). One was on Sarah Jessica Parker’s refrigerator in that odd little downer of a movie Smart People, and the other was on Kristen Wiig’s fridge in . . . just about my favorite movie of the year, Bridesmaids. (Another by-the-way: we played hooky one afternoon and went to go see Bridesmaids as an office. Unfortunately, we’d accidentally gone to a showing for the hearing-impaired, which mean subtitles. Which I thought were part of the humor during the opening sex scene. And then they got annoying. And then I realized they were there to stay. They totally ruined the comic timing because you’d read a line before hearing it. I asked the theater management to take them off but apparently there was actually one hard-of-hearing person in the audience. All of us developed different coping mechanisms for hiding or not watching the subtitles. Mine made my eyeballs hurt.)

Nothing will ever top the fact that Jennifer Aniston stamped our WTF on her abs, though. Nothing.

We’d love to see pictures of your All Out Of in situ, or WTF on your abs. Anything! Send ’em to blog@knockknockstuff.com. Pretty please! We want to find Waldo—over and over again.

For our weekly “In It for the Money” feature, we’ll be introducing you to the kick-ass Knock Knockers who make everything go, from creative to sales to logistics to . . . everything! Note—everybody answers the first five questions. After that, they have about fifteen wild-card questions from which to choose.

Just wanted to say "hi" from my office! (With my bacon buddy in hand.)

1. Name and title? Carolyn Andrews, VP of Sales.

2. Originally from? Carlisle, Pennsylvania—home of Sticks Potato Chips (the best in the world, RIP), the Hot-Chee Dog, the Big Green Machine (Carlisle High School’s Marching Band), the US Army War College, and Dickinson College, which is why my family ended up there.

3. What the hell do you do all day? I do my utmost to see that our domestic and international customers are fully satisfied with every aspect of their interaction with Knock Knock—from the product experience to the personal experience. This means I work with and oversee two wonderful teams: sales and customer service. I also analyze and project wholesale revenue, manage our custom programs and several of our key accounts, and spend lots and lots of time thinking and talking about products. Sales collaborates closely with our creative, production, and operations teams. All in the name of love . . . of our product and our customers!

4. Favorite thing about working at Knock Knock? I like working for a small company that often acts more like a big company—organizationally and functionally. We have plenty of dysfunctions, but we take running the company well very seriously. And the good people of Knock Knock—another favorite that must be stated. We do a lot of laughing and wouldn’t survive without it.

5. Favorite hobbies outside work? Some of my favorite things have taken a bit of a back seat in my adult working life, such as reading and movies, which sadly get reserved for flights and vacations. I love music and people, not necessarily in that order. Spending time with those I love is a huge priority. My car provides the loud-music space during my commute . . .

And did I forget food and eating? Oops. My brother-in-law often jokes that when my family gets together, the conversation turns to food within five minutes. I am always looking forward to the next meal.

A peek into my bacon collection. (As you can see, I love bacon.)

6. Did your professional life exist before Knock Knock? Did it ever! My alma mater is Urban Outfitters. Fifteen years of committed service (mostly as a buyer) and one of the best experiences of my life, in particular because of the wonderful people I met there over the years.

7. Any hidden talents? My young friends, Lilah and Sebastian, suggested snorting potato chips and/or gum up my nose and then chewing it with my nose. But I can’t really do that. A better answer would be my experience/talent as a hospice volunteer.

8. Interesting factoid no one would know about you from first glance? I was a proud high-school band geek. Or maybe you would know this from first glance! (Note above reference to the Big Green Machine.) Marching band and the dear friends I made there saved me from being miserable in high school.

9. What’s currently in your music rotation right now? Laura Veirs (The Triumphs and Travails of Orphan Mae), Tedeschi Trucks Band (Revelator) Jill Scott (The Light of the Sun), Steve Martin (Rare Bird Alert—I highly recommend the song “Atheists Don’t Have No Songs”), Bon Iver (Bon Iver), and Thievery Corporation (Culture of Fear).

Two of my favorite records of 2011 are definitely among the titles above . . . Can you guess which?

10. Favorite place to sit back and relax? The beach or near water, bar none. The   water thing is a family trait, which also links to some very strong positive family memories at Nauset Beach on Cape Cod.

11. Food or drink you couldn’t live without? Trendy or not, it’s bacon. Note exhibit A: I am a known bacon lover far and wide—as indicated by a sampling of related gifts given to me over the years.

Without chance, the world would just be boring. And without Google Roulette Mondays, in which we put a chosen word or phrase into Google Images to see what comes up first, frivolity would have no meaning.

The first Google Image result. Hooray for Microsoft Paint!

Since today is Columbus Day, we thought it was an appropriate subject for Google Roulette. Although the state of California doesn’t consider Columbus Day a legally paid holiday (it was revoked in 2009), right now we’re at our desks wondering which beach we would be lounging at if it we had the day off.

Anyways, the first image looks like the person who created it went Microsoft Paint-happy, which runs right along with the Microsoft clip and word art graphics that usually pop up in these searches (oh to be in 1998 again). Also, we’re curious as to why this version of Columbus looks like he could be Don Quixote’s twin brother.

Aside from the majority of pictures that came up that overused ships, compasses, and the phrase “Land ho,” the seventeenth search result was of a 2008 Val Kilmer movie titled “Columbus Day.” (IMDB.com’s summary: a thief tries to fix the damage done during the biggest heist of his career. It sounds like a big, dramatic, action-packed winner.)

The seventeenth Google Image result. Where is Val Kilmer nowadays?

In addition to our typical search, we wondered which Knock Knock product Mr. Columbus would have used while he sailed the ocean blue if our company existed back in 1492. He probably would’ve used our Travel Life Log, Pack This Pad, or the Bon Voyage Tablet to keep his travel itinerary afloat (pun intended). And the people that were already established in the Americas at that point would’ve had WTF Stamps and Hey Asshole Pads at ready. Okay, at this point our mind is just drifting  . . . so back to work we go. And for those of you who have the rest of the day off—have a safe and fun Monday.

For our weekly “In It for the Money” feature, we’ll be introducing you to the kick-ass Knock Knockers who make everything go, from creative to sales to logistics to . . . everything! Note—everybody answers the first five questions. After that, they have about fifteen wild-card questions from which to choose.

My husband and I were on the Seal Beach Pier (in my hometown!) this past weekend. Apparently it’s a pier from which casting isn’t allowed and on which people have attempted to use three or more fishing poles at once.

1. Name and title? Jamie Thompson Stern, writer/editor.

2. Originally from? Seal Beach, California. I’m a third-generation native Californian (well, maybe only second-gen—my gold-miner grandfather was a notorious yarn-spinner and claimed a different birthplace every time he was asked).

3. What the hell do you do all day? I research, write, and/or edit books, brainstorm new product ideas, write catalog and marketing copy, and create new versions of our existing products, among other things. There’s a lot of editorial collaboration, which I adore. Sometimes I’m on a single large project from start to finish, sometimes I’m doing lots of smaller projects, and other times I’m pulled in if we’re on a deadline. And I think about em-dashes and serial (AKA Oxford) commas a lot (I’m in favor of both).

4. Favorite thing about working at Knock Knock? Since everyone else has said “the people” (which is the real answer), I’ll tell you the other great thing about working at KK: the anti-boredom factor. Today I researched Marie Antoinette’s breasts, free-associated a list of drinking slogans, briefly powwowed with the other editors to come up with synonyms for “overachieving,” and proofed the marketing copy on a box of paper clips—all in my first hour. (Plus, those of us in the editorial horseshoe laughed really hard about something highly inappropriate, but that happens every day). Did I mention I have the best job in the world?

5. Favorite hobbies outside work? My husband and three kids, reading, Northwestern football (Go ’Cats!), cutting typos out of newspapers and magazines, and volunteering at 826LA, an immensely creative nonprofit writing and tutoring center for local kids. Oh, yeah, and Chelsea Winer, our manufacturing coordinator, turned me on to Smashbooks! I’m addicted.

6. Did your professional life exist before Knock Knock?Yup. I used to work in the movie business. I was a development executive and ran production companies at (among other places) 20th Century Fox, Castle Rock Entertainment, and Universal Studios until I took a break to raise the kids. I bought scripts, books, and story ideas, hired writers, helped shape potential material, and generally shepherded films through the development process. I love writers (and married one) and loved the business, but I don’t miss the hours or the . . . lifestyle.

Respecting a longstanding literary tradition, I enjoy a morning pick-me-up before another grueling day at work.

7. Interesting factoid no one would know about you from first glance?

I’ve been a rotating Von Trapp and also a Main Street floater. I grew up in Orange County, California, which had a surfeit of unintentionally kitschy dinner theaters in the 1980s. One summer after high school I did eight shows a week in The Sound of Music as Liesl (sixteen going on seventeen) or Louisa (fourteen), depending on the day. The same summer, I worked across the street at Disneyland as a floater on Main Street. Any guesses as to what a Main Street floater does? (Hint: Has nothing to do with floats.)

8. What’s currently in your book rotation right now? Mmmmm . . . boooooks . . . I read lots of books at the same time. As Joe Queenan says, “Like any addiction, the insatiable desire to start new books provides immense pleasure.” On my nightstand or stashed around the house: Nicholson Baker’s House of Holes, Thomas McGuane’s Driving on the Rim, Tom Rachman’s The Imperfectionists, and Just My Type: A Book about Fonts by Simon Garfield. My current guilty pleasure is the latest Jack Reacher novel by Lee Child. I’m also rereading my great friend Katie Arnoldi’s classic Chemical Pink. It’s set here in Venice in the 1980s, when I first lived here.

9. Last movie you saw? Just caught the last hour of Inglourious Basterds for the umpteenth time last night. Love Christoph Waltz. What a great film. My husband quotes from it often. And now I know how to order three beers in Germany.

Erin Conley, managing editor, came up with my freelance business card: the P-Touch label gives it that personalized touch.

10. Favorite Knock Knock product? Well, I’m looking forward to our Spring 2012 release of It’s A Dog’s Life: A Journal of our First Year Together, but my favorite is still our The Complete Manual of Things that Might Kill You. It’s such a brilliant concept (not mine—our head honcho’s!), and so meticulously researched. It was also the first project I worked on here at Knock Knock, back in March 2007. By the way—this book is so powerful that while I was working on it, I came down with one of the illnesses we featured. Didn’t kill me, though.

11. Food or drink you couldn’t live without? Iced tea—I’m an addict. I don’t drink coffee anymore, just black tea, unsweetened, lots of ice. I like to have as many as a dozen large bottles of Tejava in the cupboard at all times. Like an alcoholic, if my supply gets low, I get a little anxious. I’ve been known to run out late at night to pick some up so I’ll have it in the morning.

Our Passive Aggressive Nifty Note.

One of our newest Nifty Notes this season is our Passive-Aggressive Nifty Note, which allows you to voice your distaste in a firm yet subtle fashion. To all of you who care (or who don’t, no matter) it’s currently ranked as our thirteenth (out of nineteen) most popular Nifty Note (based on online sales via Google Analytics).

Regardless of its popularity, we all know that everyone is more passive-aggressive than high-five happy (the High Five Nifty Note is our number one selling online Nifty Note—again Google Analytics is our best friend). And c’mon, there’s even a website dedicated to passive-aggressive notes! (Can you imagine how many Google Alerts come into our inbox because of this website?!)

But if you don’t have the knack for passive-aggression, or you’re just outright mean (which is totally okay in select situations), here are five tips on how to write an effective passive-aggressive note: (Example given.)

1. Use a standard greeting, like “Dear,” “To whom it may concern,” or “‘Sup,” because you don’t want to scare them away from reading the rest of your note.

An example passive-aggressive note.

2. Don’t miss an opportunity to connect with the person—you may have things in common, and latching onto that possibility may make you look much cooler than you’re coming off as. See how the people in #101 said how they might love “Design on a Dime”? That was probably a lie.

3. It’s important to transition into/voice any other annoyances during this exchange (too many notes on their property, and you just look like the B word). Isn’t there a sage saying that’s close to, “If the levee breaks, let the water flow?” ( . . . Or maybe not?)

4. Up until this point, everything that’s been written is just a pillow cushioning the elephant in the room. You want to make sure you actually address the issue at hand. (This is where your more intimidating words sneak in.)

5. Lastly, thank them for their time and for reading your note all the way through. (Because we probably would’ve stopped reading after “. . . #201.”) And it’s important that you end in a positive note (i.e. “We love getting to know our neighbors!”) because that tends to lighten the overall bitterness of the letter (hence the purpose of writing the note in the first place).

We’ve been doing this blogging thing for almost two months now (so bleeding edge), with over forty blog posts under our belt. We’ve had fun writing and creating it, but it’s been even more fun reading everyone’s comments, ideas, and responses.

Fill out the survey and get a "Duh" sticky note (100 sheets)!

However, there’s always room for improvement (ahem—we’ve admitted that even we make mistakes). So we want (okay, we need) to hear all of your genius thoughts on it so far! To that end, we’d be eternally (or at le

ast for a week or so) grateful if you’d fill out a quick, nonscientific, not-created-by-a-polling-firm survey.

But before you roll your eyes and laugh at the impropriety of this request, we’re pulling a quid pro quo on you fantabulous fans.

This survey is now closed. Any survey filled out after October 31 will not receive complimentary DUH Sticky Notes.

Fill out this survey on our blog by October 31, and we’ll send you a free “Duh” sticky note (100 sheets)! Because we want your feedback—duh!

Note about the survey: None of these field are mandatory, but if you want that free sticky note, we’ll need your mailing and email addresses (again—duh) as well as all questions answered (that’s not a duh—that’s just extortion).

Check out our journal’s cover! The illustration of the dog (in "play bow" position) with the yellow background is actually a window in which a photo of one's actual dog can be inserted. Cool, right?

As you may have surmised, Knock Knock—and KK-ers—love dogs. I hope you’ve gotten to know a little about Paco and Maisie, our Head Honcho Jen’s goofy and serene (respectively) resident pups, and you may have seen (and purchased!) some of our past animal-loving products: the instructional book How to Have an Ill-Behaved Dog (from our Self-Hurt series), the Pet Organizer, and a KK Pad, “Don’t Kill the Pets.” Yup, we’re dog people. To be fair, we also have cat people here (some of us are even poly-pet-owners or, as Jen likes to put it, “ambipetrous”).

Creating a dog journal had been a pet project (pun intended) of our head honcho’s for some time. Originally envisioned as something along the lines of the classic “baby’s first year” journal, but for dog owners, the idea morphed after some brainstorming as well as because of our support for older and rescue dog adoption. About a thousand hours and a gazillion decisions later, in the spring of 2012, you’ll be able to find It’s a Dog’s Life: A Journal of Our First Year Together in amazing stores near you. After all, whether you get a purebred puppy or a middle-aged mutt, it’s about your dog’s first year with you.

Most people here work in InDesign or Illustrator to write into layout form, but I’m partial to the hand-drawn touch.

One of our main goals for It’s a Dog’s Life was to create a combination guided journal and record-keeping organizer, with a sizable dose of Knock Knock humor. With fill-in-the-blanks, checkboxes, and helpful prompts, as well as interesting monthly content about the care and handling of your pooch (maybe I’ve drunk the orange Kool-Aid, but who doesn’t want to know about, say, canine body language?), this approach entailed a bigger editorial project than a straightforward journal. More factual content always means extra time given to research, fact-checking, and proofing. My first correspondence about this project was on Valentine’s Day 2011, and the final typeset, fully designed files were off to manufacturing at the end of July. We recently got the first proofs back from the printer, and they look great!

A lot of the research was done online, of course, but I also haunted my vet’s office and pet stores for written material. A funny thing happens when you’re researching a new project—everywhere you turn, something pertains to it. The New York Times, YouTube, news stories, my dog Elsa’s several trips to the emergency room (she’s fine)—all provided fodder (kibble?) for the project.

My dog Elsa. She played a part in the product brainstorm.

This was a completely new product for us, which meant free reign to dream up any ideas and concepts—no precedents! This suited me fine, since I take a somewhat unusual approach to writing for layouts—instead of working in Illustrator or InDesign, I dream up content and then sketch it out by hand. This means I need to work closely with a designer because, as you can see, my drawing talent is more MOBA than MOCA. But that’s the only way I can envision the layout as it incorporates text with design. Luckily, I got to work with the brilliant and patient designer Alexis Lowery, who transformed my scribblings into a design approach blending her take on (gotta say it) doggy style with the signature Knock Knock wit. Alexis also found a talented illustrator, Marian Richardson, who brought various dog personalities to life within the pages. I won’t lie—some of it was a struggle to get exactly right (for instance, deciding on the cover took longer than we thought) but in the final push, it just all came together.

I love the result, as do Paco, Maisie, and Elsa, and I hope you will, too!